TROY P. ROACHE CONSULTING – Page 3 – Providing workshops & one-on-one-sessions to help you help yourself.

Motivation

4:30 AM. I open my eyes. Even though the sun hasn’t come up yet, the birds are singing outside. I climb out of bed and stretch. The bedroom feels uncomfortably cold. Most everybody I know is still fast asleep—tucked away in their warm beds. Twenty minutes later, I’m at my desk writing. Am I crazy? An insomniac? Maybe a crazed insomniac? Or am I something else?

For years I never thought about why I wanted to write—not consciously anyway, not thoughtfully. I had a vague idea, at best. But in goal setting “vague” doesn’t quite cut it.

I’ve since learned the importance of keeping my motivation aligned with creative energy. I’ve previously described inspiration and creativity as energy that flows not from us but through us. If our motivators are misaligned that flow of energy it will get blocked. So, the very things that we think are motivating us, could be getting in the way.

The vast majority of artists do not give nearly enough attention to the concept of motivation. Why do they do the things they do? Why do they paint, compose or write? What truly motivates them? Many artists undertake their creative endeavors without knowing what their true motivators are and then they wonder why they get blocked. For example, an artist might think she plies her craft because of a particular reason, when in reality the true motivator lies hidden, just beneath the surface. As such, she goes about her art never aware what is actually driving her. If those drivers (those motivations) happen to be blocking her creativity the art will suffer.

Does a writer write to tell stories? To make characters and world’s come to life on the page? Or does he do it in the hopes of becoming rich and famous? Perhaps she does it to gain the love and respect of her audience? Maybe he wants to please his parents? Maybe she fears that she can’t do anything else?

Whatever it is, it is important to take the time to figure out what is “actually” motivating you. Not what you “think” is motivating you.

This may not be easy. It involves getting to know yourself on a deeper, more spiritual level than you may be used to. This kind of “soul work” can often be painful, but the results can be extraordinary. Then will you have a better understanding if your motivators have been blocking your creativity or not.

So how can you tell if your motivation is helping or hindering you?

You may find it helpful to study the artists you aspire to. The creative geniuses who seem to possess an almost magical talent. Think about the best writers, musicians and visual artist alive today or those who have lived throughout history—those who create (or created) on a level that most of us can barely comprehend. For contemporary artists: listen to interviews, read bio’s. How do they view their creative processes, what do they think about the work and even themselves. For historical figures: read as much information as you can about them. I’m talking about artists like Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Shakespeare and Mozart.

As you examine these individuals explore what sets them apart. What makes them great? I believe you will find that they all possessed great motivation.

First and foremost the Greats are always motivated by the art, itself. They do it for no other reason. They follow their passion with a ridiculous determination. They’re completely involved and absorbed by the work they do—by the act of creation—because they love it.

Strangely, you’ll also find that they are not overly concerned about the outcome or the end product—at least not during the act of creation. The Greats stay in the moment completely. Hours might pass, yet the artist is totally unaware of the outside world. She is not concerned or is motivated by anything beyond the act of creation. He does what he does because he has to—period.

Nor do they do it for a reward. Whether that reward be the praise of others, money, or respect. They are not concerned with what their art might give them or what they might get out of it. They simply create to create.

The Greats are not motivated by what others might think about the work, either. They never allow the art to be influenced by the audience, or the morality of Society. The art drives itself. The art takes itself where it needs to go without worrying about the opinions of others.

As such, the great artists tend to go with the flow, with creative energy. Great artists allow this energy to flow through them—with as little interference as possible. That means they get themselves out of the way as much as possible. In a way they align themselves to the flow of this energy and they know the importance of being absolutely true to it.

To sum up—motivation could be misaligned if it is based on:

1) Fear and doubt.

2) A sense of reward or outcome.

3) The opinions of others.

4) Unclear goals.

Take some time to get to know yourself and what drives you. What gets you up in the morning? Why do you create? Then slowly bring those motivations closer in alignment with the only thing that matters—the art. Once your motivation is aligned with creative source you’ll be amazed at what you can do and how well you can do it.

Thanks for visiting.

To read more of my work please visit my blog or check out my book “My Happy Workplace.” Now free for download at Smashwords for a limited time.

If you have any questions or comments drop me a line at: troy_roache@hotmail.com. I love hearing from you.

Are You Creative?

I’ve always considered myself to be a creative person. It’s also fair to say that I’ve seen my creativity as my most valuable trait—a prized possession, or an indispensable tool. As such, I cared for it and honed it over the years. In that time I came to depend on it heavily. I even started to identify myself by my creativity—it became who I was. So much so, that if I had ever been faced with losing that aspect of my personality I might have lost myself as well.

Yet, as important as my creativity was, I never once questioned where it came from or even what it was. I had simply (and quite arrogantly) assumed that I had “created” it. It was a part of me. I had developed it over the years with effort, experience and talent. Hadn’t I?

Strangely, when I did go looking for it, I couldn’t find it. I desperately wanted to touch it, to feel it and to assure myself that my creativity was safe and sound inside me. Maybe I wanted one of those “creative bones” that people talked about. I was more than willing to put up the down payment on a prime piece of real estate somewhere in my brain reserved just for my creativity. You know, a nice plot of gray matter, overlooking my cerebellum, where I could go whenever I wanted to write or draw.

The problem was that my creativity never really felt like it came from me—not really. My best moments of inspiration came and went in a blur, leaving something wonderful behind without a clear memory of how I had done it. Sometimes, if I wasn’t fast enough to capture the inspiration on paper, the idea would be lost. How could this be if I was the one creating? If I was in fact the source of the inspiration?

What if I was fooling myself? What if I was not the source of my creations? Had all my creativity come from somewhere else—outside of me? And where did that leave my identity? Who was I if I wasn’t the creative person I thought I was? Could I continue to write or was I just faking it?

If you do a quick web search about creativity you will find hundreds (if not thousands) of web pages describing rational, scientific explanations involving theories of psychology, determinant factors of intelligence, circumstance and chemical reactions. People have written volumes, presented workshops and lectures all detailing impossibly complicated conditions under which creativity occurs internally—within the person. Now you might think that this would have reassured me. My creativity was, in fact, tucked away somewhere inside me. Science said so! According to the research creativity is “simply” a matter of having just the right timing, education, talent, relationships and happenstance with a few chemicals and neurons thrown in for good measure. But this didn’t sound right either. If it were all so complicated then inspiration would have never gotten out of the gate and creativity would have died a terrible death centuries ago.

No, as much as my Ego wanted to hold onto my own creativity, it seemed less likely that it is was internal biological process. So I was left with the alternative—I was not the source of my creations. Something else was.

The concept that creativity flows to us, rather than from us, isn’t new. The Greeks (the forefathers of modern creativity and art) saw inspiration as a dish offered up by the Muses—invisible guides directing the artist’s hand. Michelangelo said that his famous sculpture “David” already existed, hidden inside the marble. All he had to do was chip away the pieces that didn’t belong. An intelligent Roman did not consider himself a genius but rather believed he had access to a Genius or Genii, a spirit being whose purpose was to direct and instruct.

Now, it’s not necessary for us to start believing in unseen beings and voices to grasp the concept of external inspiration. But, I’ve learned to appreciate ancient traditions and beliefs for what they are—attempts to explain unseen processes by way of stories. They can help us to see creativity in a different way. One that is less Ego-driven.

The Ego weighs us down with things like pride, fear and doubt. All of which block creativity. It is very difficult to create from a place of Ego. It comes with far too much baggage. In contrast, if we see creativity more like energy—a force that does not originate from us, but through us, we simply need to remain open to receive that energy. And as it passes through us it is released in wonderful by-products: novels, paintings, poetry, music and just about everything else created.

Creative energy is in a constant state of movement through us. But it can only be expressed when we open up to it. Call it what you like: Source, Sub-conscious mind, Tao, The Field, God. Every tradition has a name for it. What’s important is that we recognize it.

In this way, I believe we can all (and do) access creativity. The only difference is that some of us tend to block it, while others accept and use it. Creativity is not complicated at all—it comes down to a very simple question: are you open or closed?

So the first step in becoming more creative is to understand that you can’t. Creativity is not something that can ever be possessed, it can only be accepted and released. This is how we truly create.

If you believe that you don’t have a creative bone in your body, you might instead ask yourself how you could be blocking this natural flow of energy.

Next week I’ll start to explore these blocks one at a time and in more detail. I’ll also be offering suggestions on how to unblock them. Until then, thanks for visiting.To read more of my work please visit my blog or check out my book “My Happy Workplace.” now free for download at Smashwords. If you have any questions or comments drop me a line at: troy_roache@hotmail.com.

Perfect Imperfection

As a teenager my need to prove myself drove me to perfectionism. Everything I did had to be perfect, pristine and precise—to the extreme. So much so that I was spending more and more time and effort not just reaching my goals but unnecessarily exceeding them.

Tweaking and redoing became a compulsion for me—especially in my creative endeavors. Ironically, the need to reach my imagined view of perfection often destroyed the very thing I was trying to perfect. What I didn’t know then was that there is no such thing as perfection. What is perfect for one person is flawed for another.

In fact, it is the flaws, those tiny imperfections, which make something truly come to life and allow it to move pass the ordinary to the extraordinary. Until I learned this, my true creativity remained blocked.

Here I would like to offer my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to my friend and former teacher Vernon Oickle for teaching me this very important life-lesson. Throughout my high school years Vernon took on the role of my unofficial mentor. He taught me lessons that went far beyond Biology or Chemistry. Lessons that have helped me become the person I am today.

Vernon taught an oil painting class on Thursday nights and asked me to join. I can still remember the smell of the oils to this day. I enjoyed it very much, but I was frustrated when I couldn’t execute a particular landscape or object. Every so often, Vernon would look over my shoulder and suddenly tell me to stop. “There! That’s amazing! Don’t touch it. Leave it just the way it is.” He might have been referring to a subtle brush stroke or a bit of shading that I had done, no doubt, by accident.

I’d often protest, saying that it needed just one more thing. In these times, Vernon would give me a knowing look of warning and smile as I ignored the advice and attempted to tweak the painting—only to ruin the specialness of what I had done. “Know when to let it go,” was his usual response.

The idea of “creative release” had never occurred to me until then. Inspiration flows through us, not from us. As such, we must let it move along. If we fail to release the creative energy and try to hold it too long it will sour and spoil the work. “Let it go. Release it.”

Vernon is a humble and modest man and probably doesn’t remember the important life-lesson he taught me, but he showed me the importance of artistic imperfection. All things of beauty and greatness have some intrinsic flaw that make them special—that make them extraordinary. Even today I can hear his voice as I’m writing and feel the need to pick at the work unnecessarily:“Remember Troy, excellence before perfection.”

Make the work it’s very best while accepting it can never be perfect. Excellence, however, is an achievable and worthwhile goal. Excellence is knowing that exact moment when to release your inspiration to the world. A second too early and it may fall short, a second too late and it may crumble.

Everyone can appreciate excellence, but we all have a different idea of perfection. Excellence allows an artist to complete a great work, while perfection stalls and kills it.

Excellence before perfection. Know when to say enough is enough and release it. Your work will not only turn out better, but you will feel better about it and get more done.

Thanks for visiting. Please feel free to leave me a comment by email: troy_roache@hotmail.com. I’d be happy to post it.

Let Things Fall Apart

If you really want to get something done faster and better, be first prepared to let it fall apart. Even though there’s nothing more frustrating or defeating than having worked for hours on a project only for it to fail, let it crumble in your hands—happily and with a smile on your face.

Now before you think I’ve totally lost it, let me explain. I recently noticed a fascinating pattern. It occurs when I’m working on a new project. For me, it’s usually a piece of writing, but it happens for other things too. For you, it might be any number of activities: trying a new recipe, renovating, or (God help you) spending an afternoon in “Ikea Hell”.

Picture yourself working on Project X. You have a few hiccups but you begin to figure it out and move on. The project is proceeding nicely, then stalls unexpectedly. You take a breath and regroup. But its start and stop from there on. After a few hours you’re almost done and BLAM! You realize it’s not working. You scramble to figure out what went wrong, desperately trying to salvage the day, but it’s too late. All that time. All that effort. Gone! Wasted! Or was it?

What you do next will ultimately determine your success—or lack thereof. You could swear, pull out some hair, throw Project X through the window, maybe even quit. Or you could let Project X fall apart—happily.

Now you might have just concluded that none of the above options will get Project X done. Maybe, maybe not.

Consider for a moment what Einstein once said about problem solving: “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.”

In other words, Einstein was saying that we can’t apply old thinking (current consciousness) against new problems.

Why?

Well, let’s look at how you arrived at your current level of consciousness. Your consciousness is the sum total of all your beliefs. This “belief system” informs and advises you on what is possible for you. Those beliefs were and are created from your past experiences.

Do I take road A or B? Should I accept this job or that one? Should I attempt Project X? Can I really do it? In this way your belief system causes you to impose limits on yourself based on what you believe is possible for you.

See your consciousness as an expanding bubble, if you will. And you are, right now, on its leading edge. This edge represents the essence of your current potential. You will not be able to accomplish anything that is beyond that edge—until you (as Einstein suggested) “Look at the world anew.”

Interestingly, this is exactly what happens when a project fails. You have simply reached the outer limits (that leading edge) of what you believe is currently possible for you.

Now, here’s the cool part. The very act of working on a new and unfamiliar project has already expanded your consciousness. You just have to give it a chance to catch up. I call this “creative lag”.

It is here where most people run into problems because they see creative lag as a negative instead of an opportunity. As a result these people often quit believing that the project is impossible. When that’s rarely the case. When things fall apart your consciousness is simply in a holding pattern waiting to expand past the point it once occupied. It’s like a wave breaking over the rocks.

If you are expecting the break and understand that is it a necessary part of the creative process you will be less likely to be upset when it happens. In this way you can take full advantage of the opportunity and see it as a cue to step back and take a “break”. Let it fall apart. Walk away from it.

I now find myself anticipating these breaks, when in the past they caused me distress and anxiety. I actually get excited when they happen because I know that I’m close to a “Breakthrough”. As a result, the word “breakthrough” has taken on an entirely new meaning for me. When a project breaks for me I know it’s time to put it away. When I return to it, I am able to approach the problem with a new clarity and understanding. Solutions just seem to appear from nowhere.

When “so-called” problems arise simply take a satisfied breath and put the work down knowing that everything will be better tomorrow. Try it! You’ll be amazed how well this process works.

Let things fall apart. Be mindful of that break. Anticipate it. Use it. You’ll be glad you did.

If you would like to leave me a comment or question please email it to troy_roache@hotmail.com. Thanks for visiting.

The Seed of Inspiration

Imagine that it’s a day like any other day. You’re just sitting there (I won’t mention where) and Eureka! you get a one-in-a-lifetime idea. I mean a really big idea. You know it’s special because you can feel the hair stand up on the back of your neck. Maybe it’s for a new business, or an invention or even a book.

At this stage that big idea of yours is compressed into a single pin-prick of inspiration. Contained in that infinite speck, your wonderfully complex idea sits in its own potentiality, just waiting. But it’s still only a thought—a potential of a thing. It’s literally and metaphorically a seed. It will need to grow beyond that seed and any seed needs three things to grow:

1. Energy

2. Space

3. Time

Without this magical trio the seed could lie dormant forever—never realizing its potential. If it sits long enough it may even die.

Now we all know how to grow a seed. Put it in the ground, give it water and sunlight and wait awhile. The key is that it must be nurtured. That big idea of yours is no different.

But how do we nurture inspiration? We can’t just dump some dirt on it, water it and presto—instant dream! Or can we?

Interestingly, the same basic rules apply between any regular old seed (like a pumpkin or maybe an apple seed) and a seed of inspiration. Both need energy, space and time.

How do we give an idea energy?

Answer: By focusing on it; by giving it undivided attention. The more focus put on the idea, the more it will grow. Focus and attention are the fuel to any thought form.

How do we give an idea space?

Answer: By realizing its unlimited potential. Never allow your big idea to become restricted by fear and doubt or by what other people think is possible for it. Your idea’s natural state is one of expansion. It wants to grow. Keep in mind that everything ever created first started out as a thought. Your big idea exists in that wonderful quantum realm where anything is possible. All you have to do is get everything else out of its way.

How do we give an idea time?

Answer: By not rushing it. Understand that every journey begins with a single step. Buddha said: “The jug fills drop by drop”. And the 64^th verse of the Tao reminds us that the giant pine tree grows from a tiny seed. Christian tradition speaks of how there is a season for everything. Things happen on their own schedules. Ideas must unfold naturally. If you wish to build an amazing tower, you will need to give it the space to climb, one floor at a time. Nor would you would ever build the tenth floor, before the ninth.

At some point you will have to unleash that big dream into the world. Release is one of the most important ways you can give your idea space. Ever heard the expression: Let go and let God? Feed your idea, focus on it, and then let it go. Imagine what would happen if you dug up your pumpkin seed every few hours to see if it was growing? It would die under the weight of all the attention. There is another wonderful bit of advice from the Tao: The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come. She steps out of the way and lets the Tao speak for itself.

When inspiration strikes, it does so for a reason. An idea wants to see form—through you, but it can only do that if you nurture it and if you care for it. Then let it go so it can grow naturally into what it was always meant to be. If you like this or any of my other posts, please leave a comment. I would love hearing your views.Thanks for visiting.

The Distraction Attraction

If evolution has attempted to teach humanity anything, it’s that distraction kills. Our ancestors lived in a world that literally wanted to eat them for dinner. For them, the price of not paying attention would have likely meant becoming a Happy Meal for a lion or maybe a bear. They could have never afforded to entertain the levels of distraction that we do today.

Just imagine the absurdity of this scene:

It is a few thousand years ago, give or take a century or two. You just happen to be hanging out on the Serengeti and you see one of your neighbors stroll by. You notice something peculiar. Your friend is listening to music on strange discs that cover his ears. In his hands he’s holding an even stranger tablet-thingy. But it’s not made out of stone. It has been formed from a material you’ve never seen before. What’s even more shocking is that he’s walking head down, staring at the tablet and tapping its surface with his thumbs. He’s not paying any attention to his surroundings! His attention doesn’t seem to extend past his new accoutrements. He makes it about fifty feet into a beautiful grassy meadow before a pack of hyenas invite him over for brunch.

This scene is absurd not only because our primitive friend is sporting the latest in twenty-first century gear but also because such a person would have never relinquished his focus, his attention. To do so would have been suicidal in the extreme.

Our ancestors had a deep connection to the world around them. It was a spiritual bond that bridged them to nature. This bridge was a place of silence, free from the unnecessary noise and background static we live with constantly today. In fact, our ancestors not only appreciated silence but depended upon it.

There is power in the silence that comes from paying attention. It is forged from focus. It’s found in moments of clarity, meditation and creative bursts of inspiration. None of which are possible if we are distracted.

In today’s world we seem to be attracted to distraction. The very thought of silence—true silence—is so foreign to us that we actually find it uncomfortable.

As such we fill our time with as many distractions as we can: addictive behaviors, excessive food and drink, television, iPads, Facebook and Twitter.

Now in themselves, and in moderation, there may be nothing distractive at all about the above activities. But are these things serving to connect you to who you really are? And are they helping you to remember that you are a spiritual being with a secret longing to reconnect? Or are these activities causing you to forget?

For example, if you go for a walk—go for a walk. Appreciate it fully. Stay with that activity completely. Allow all your senses to be actively engaged. If you stay connected to the activity—the moment, you will feel enriched and fulfilled. The same applies for anything you are doing. Stay fully and completely in the present moment.

When we approach life in a focused way, a non-distracted way, we enter a sense ofbeing instead of just doing. Fostering a sense of being will enrich you more than any distraction ever could. And yet, this society is far too concerned about doing; so much so that we have to multitask to get everything done. But in the process, we actually accomplish nothing at all. At least, nothing worthwhile. I believe this is one of the main reasons for unhappiness.

So how can you tell if you are distracted? Try this…

Find a quiet room in your house. Go in and close the door. Stay there for one full hour. Challenge yourself.

Here are a few rules to follow, however:

1) You must be alone.

2) Bring no distractions. Nothing to read, eat or drink. No music, no TV. Nothing but you and your thoughts.

3) You cannot sleep.

Now some of you won’t even try the above challenge. Some of you will try but be unable to complete the full hour. And some of you will complete the full hour, but it will be uncomfortable.

If you have problems with the challenge, it’s okay. We are all distracted to some level. The first step is to be aware and mindful of your distractions and how they may be affecting your happiness and over-all spiritual well-being. Simply decide which distractions are worth the price. Then slowly start to limit some of them.

If you can’t be alone with yourself (comfortably) for an hour, there’s a pretty good chance that you are far too attracted to distraction. Now, I’m not suggesting that you pull a “Richard Proenneke“, pack up and move into the wilderness all by yourself. (Although the thought does have some appeal). But it may be helpful for you to do more activities that will connect you to your spiritual self.

Go for mindful walks in nature, paint, write, bake an apple pie, create, meditate, watch an inspiring movie, listen to music. But whatever you do, do it fully. Give that thing your absolute and undivided attention.

Our ancestors paid for inattentiveness with their lives. Is your spiritual well-being any less important?

Thanks for visiting. I’d love to hear if how you did with the distraction challenge. Leave me a comment on my blog or on Facebook.

Happiness,

Troy

What’s Your Focus?

Like most people, sometimes I get what I want—sometimes I don’t. But over the last few years I’ve become increasingly more fascinated with the reasons why. Why do I get some things only to come up short for others?

The simple answer might be that I shouldn’t expect to get everything I want. That’s just the way things are. And I agree.

But I also “believe” that there may be something else going on that is not immediately obvious—the knowing of which could turn the odds more in my favor—and yours.

Achievement and goal attainment might not solely depend on things like how difficult the goal is or how much talent you have or even how intelligent you happen to be. After-all, the world is full of relatively talentless, unintelligent people accomplishing extremely difficult things every day. Maybe then we need to add just a bit of luck and a dash of good timing to be on the safe side? You know, get all the proverbial ducks and their stars aligned.

This is starting to get complicated. Let’s review:

If we want to make our dreams come true we need to have gobs of talent, a fat IQ, perfect timing and stick a horseshoe up you-know-where. Right? It’s a wonder anything ever gets done! And yet that’s what most of us belief. We have been taught to expect that only a few of us will ever see our dreams come true. It’s too hard, too complicated.

But that’s not what our our greatest teachers and traditions have to say on the subject. Taking a closer look at my own life I’ve learned that all my successes always had one element present. That same element is also absent in all of my failures.

So maybe it’s not as complicated as we think. And it has nothing to do with happy thoughts or wishing really hard. What I’m talking about is something far more elegant, far simpler.

It’s focus.

Focus, by definition, is a narrowing process. Something starts out wide in scope then tappers to a fine point—a focal point and to the exclusion of all else.

All that we are, all that we will become is the result of focused thought. Christian tradition says, “As you think, so shall you be.” Buddha simply said, “We are what think”.

But thoughts are only the first part of the process. They have to be focused to hold any true power.

We focus our thinking in three stages:

First we have thoughts that we understand intellectually.

These thought are a bombardment of information from any and all outside sources: television, friends, family, books, events, you name it. As individuals we understand them for what they are—bits of data. They may be true, they may not. They may be useful, or not.

Then we have thoughts that we believe.

From the above field of information we begin to select that information we believe to be true or useful. We make these judgements and determinations by combining all the information we have both past and present. The thoughts are still unfocused as they are mostly derived from outside sources. They may sound good, but we’re not quite sure—yet.

Lastly we have thoughts that we know.

Our beliefs still carry a fair amount of unfocused baggage. A belief about a thought is only just that: we believe it might be true, but until it is focused we just don’t know. To know something is to have that laser sharp focus about it. We narrow the thought to a pin-point focus to which all else is excluded. With the focus knowing brings there is no room for fear or doubt. There is no room to tell us it’s not possible. We KNOW that is. As sure as we know that a candle flame is hot. And because we know that the flame is hot, we also know that it will burn us if we touch it. We don’t just believe it will burn us, do we? We know. And so it is.

The same thing happens when we focus on our goals. We have to know that they are going to happen.

Recall the last time you “knew” something. I mean really knew it. There was no doubt, no fear that it would not happen, right? It was almost like it had already happened. To know with this level of certainty has the power to create. And just not for our crazy dreams—this level of thinking is the foundation for our daily lives. Think about it. We know (for the most part) that we will get up tomorrow, go to a job that we don’t really like and then come home. And for the most part, it happens. It happens not because it’s easy or mundane, but because we have made it a part of who we are by the focus and attention we give it. The daily routines and patterns entrench the very knowing that gives us more of the same.

Focus. It can help you create either the exciting or the mundane, the good or the bad, the ordinary or the extraordinary. The only question is, what is your focus?

It’s About Balance

In East Africa the women of the Kikuyu tribe routinely carry loads up to 70% of their body weight atop their heads, over rough terrain and long distances. This feat is not accomplished by strength, endurance or even will power. It is accomplished by balance—perfect and practiced balance.

For these women a lack of balance would be disastrous. They are taught a keen sense of balance from an early age. It is practiced until the Kikuyu women can do a wide range of tasks while carrying a heavy jug of water or a large bundle of sticks on their heads. In fact, they move about as if there is nothing on their heads at all!

We may not need to balance a heavy jug of water on our heads every day at work but maintaining balance is a vital key to have a happy workplace and a greater sense of well-being.

Today, it seems every self-help or motivation guru is toting the benefits of maintaining a healthy life-work balance. As such, people are putting more effort into nourishing their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves equally. For example, some people schedule their workday to include breaks for exercise or meditation. Maybe they take 45 minutes to have a healthy lunch and a walk in the park, then back to work. Finally they head home to spend time with their families and friends. Such a routine would be very beneficial and healthy and I would encourage it for all workers, but there is more to balance than just following a schedule.

Balance is a sense of being. It is a way of living.

“Image courtesy of arztsamui/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net”

When we regard the idea of balance as part of who we are it becomes natural—integrated within the whole. This “natural balance” is that state of mind that provides equilibrium in all situations. Remember the women of the Kikuyu tribe? Balance has become so natural for them they don’t even give it a second thought. Balance is as natural to them as breathing. For us it means we should learn the skills to maintain balance at all times.

“When we regard the idea of balance as part of who we are it becomes natural—integrated within the whole. This “natural balance” is that state of mind that provides equilibrium in all situations.”

See your balance as a golden scale in your mind. The scale stays perfectly aligned if you do not place too much weight on any one thing. For example, you witness a co-worker do something that you don’t agree with. Instead of letting it go, you start to dwell on it. You take the action personally. You become increasingly “upset” and “unbalanced” adding more weight to what you witnessed until the scale tips and you slip from your natural balanced state into unhappiness.

The Buddhist tradition employs a technique called “touch and go”. This technique encourages us to simply become aware of something, acknowledge it as if greeting a stranger on the street and then to release it at the same time. In a way, we are recognizing its physical existence but also understand that it has no true substance—unless we choose to give it weight. This is exactly what we need to do to remain truly balanced. Acknowledge everything that is happening—be present, but do not overly connect with it: touch and go.

“A balanced person has a peaceful charm about him. He walks in a constant state of calm and control while those around him wobble and fall.”

Teachers throughout history have echoed the same sentiments regarding balance. The Tao advises us to “Hold to the center.” Buddhist teachings not only employ the “touch and go technique” but a whole way of life has been built around the idea of balance or “The Middle Way”. Christian tradition says “for all things there is a season”, and no one season is more important than the other—all in balance.

Balance allows our natural dignity to arise from the silent core of our inner selves. A balanced person has a peaceful charm about him. He walks in a constant state of calm and control while those around him wobble and fall.

If you like this post, I’d love to hear from you. Please like it on Facebook or leave a comment. My other posts on this subject can be found at my blog at www.troyproache.com. My Happy Workplace (the book) is available at Amazon on Kindle and in paperback.

Thanks for visiting.

Choose Happiness

Choices. We make them constantly. In the morning we make a choice of when to get up, to have Fruit Loops or toast, to wear the blue sweater or the green… and we don’t stop making choices until we go back to sleep that night. If you really think about it, most of our thinking takes the form of choices: A or B? This or that? Now or later? Yes or No? We’re like walking, talking choice machines.

You even made a choice to click on this article and then another one to actually read it. Not to mention all the choices you’ll be confronted with as you decide on whether or not to use the information contained herein–no pressure, though.

It’s been said that the average person makes between 600 and 1000 choices every day. And with all these choices, has it ever occurred to you that your happiness is no different? That happiness is a choice?

In fact, the choice to be happy may be the most important decision you can make. That being said, so few of us ever do. The vast majority of people believe that happiness somehow falls outside themselves; that it all has to do with external things, people and events that they can’t control. And so they go about their days at the mercy of–well–everything. This paradigm suggests that it’s not up to us if we get to be happy or not.

Ironically, all those who buy into this paradigm have made a choice that happiness is not a choice.

Don’t beat yourself up too much—we all do it. It’s second nature to us. Something happens that we don’t like and we react—usually with unhappiness. But it doesn’t have to be that way. All paradigms can be changed, including this one.

You can choose happiness right now by doing these three little things…

1) Remember that happiness is a choice.

Happiness is a choice, just as unhappiness is. Given the option, wouldn’t you rather pick happiness?

“Now, hold on a minute!” you might say. “That is all well and good, but I can’t just decide to be happy when something bad happens. I’m only human.”

The fact of the matter is that you can (with practice) make a choice and decide to act in a different way—in a controlled and present way, instead of reacting in a way born from negative conditioning. In this way you will come to understand that reality is subjective. The events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them.

2) Limit your expectations of others.

We tend to feel injured by the actions of others when we disagree with them. The more we dwell on the imagined offense, the more frustrated, stressed and unhappy we become. But, if we limit our expectations of others it becomes harder for them to upset us. Epictetus once said, “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.” In this way, external factors play less of a role in our happiness. It becomes more of an internal process. We take responsibility for our own happiness.

3) Change the way you look at things.

Wayne Dyer is fond of saying, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

Say, for example, that I have a lot of work to do. The prospect of the work may make me unhappy—but only if I allow it to. If I look at my work as a mountainous chore, it tends to become just that. I begin to fret and worry about where to even start. I might get angry that I have so much to do. I might even become spiteful or jealous of my co-workers who seem to have less to do. As such, I fight and struggle with the work all day. But, if I alter my approach and look at the work differently and reduce it down to nothing but a small pile of paper, the weight and pressure dissolves. Instead of looking at the workload in its entirety, I do one thing at a time, do it well and move on. By breaking the work down into small, more manageable pieces the task seems so much less daunting. As the Buddha said, “A jug fills drop by drop.”

Choosing happiness is possible for all of us. But, it does take practice and effort. It means you will need to develop a state of awareness to keep yourself focused on your intention to choose, instead of compulsion to react.

For more detailed information about choosing happiness please read my book, My Happy Workplace.

And by all means, if you like this or any of my other posts, please leave a comment. I would love hearing your views.

Happiness,

Troy

Passion vs. Fear: A Cautionary Tale of Superheroes & Villains

Passion is a funny thing. Go looking for it and you’ll never find it, but let it find you and it’s virtually impossible to avoid. And once you do find it, passion can fuel you to great heights, allow you to do astonishing things—things that others can’t even imagine. In this way passion is kind of like a superpower. But in the comics (as everybody knows) a great strength must have an equal or even greater weakness. So if passion is a superpower, then fear is its kryptonite.

Twenty-five years ago in early Spring I picked up a copy of The Amazing Spider-Man. I had read comics before, of course, but there was something special about this one. It moved me like no other story had. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My mind started to race with possibilities. In that moment I realized that I wanted to tell stories—fantastic, heroic stories about extraordinary characters doing extraordinary things.

Simply put, my passion had found me.

After that my every waking thought was focused on comic books. They were the first thoughts that got me up in the morning and the last ones that carried me off to sleep at night. I thought about them in class, at church, at the dinner table—everywhere!

It wasn’t long before piles of notepads filled with my stories and ideas started to collect under my bed. I envisioned myself working for Marvel Comics pitting the forces of good against hordes of evildoers in worlds I had created. My passion grew stronger every day until it was like an invisible shield protecting my dream from anything that might jeopardize it. As it turned out that shield would come in very handy.

One day I told my cousin that I wanted to become a comic book writer. He looked at me with a strange expression and said, “Why would anybody pay you to write a comic book? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He walked away laughing.

His words stung but my passion was strong. Just like a hero’s superpower, passion had protected me and my dream, but I had suffered my very first bout of doubt—however small. At this point it had not yet become full-blown fear, but it had made a ding in that invisible shield.

Even so I was determined to make my dream come true and pushed even harder, learning everything I could about the comic book industry. Finally I found a news release from the publisher of Marvel Comics—Stan Lee, himself! It was all about how to submit a comic book script. I couldn’t believe it! It was like I had struck gold—detailed instructions on the whole submission process.

All I had to do was send in my idea and wait for the job offers to roll in! I could see myself in the Marvel bullpen: pitching stories, making deadlines, working with artists to bring my words to life. I visualized my name under the coveted words “Written by”. I imagined kids all over the country waiting to read the latest issue of Spider-Man or The Avengers by yours truly. My passion was never stronger. But, the ding my cousin had made hadn’t really gone away. It was a hidden crack, waiting to reveal itself.

Now I should mention that, at the time, I was unaware that over 99% of submissions were rejected at the point of entry by the submissions editor. But to be honest the idea that an editor would ever reject my story never occurred to me. So I happily sent off my first submission to New York. If this sounds like arrogance, it wasn’t. It was pure passion—a love for what I was doing.

Six weeks later an envelope arrived in my mailbox bearing the Marvel letterhead. Heart pounding, hands shaking, I opened it and read the words…

“Congratulations. I have reviewed your submission and I have forwarded it to the appropriate editor. Good luck.”

I couldn’t believe it! I had all but been accepted—and on my very first try. At seventeen years old, I was going to be a writer for Marvel Comics! Then I made what would become a fatal error: I told my father.

“I did it! I’m going to be a comic book writer and work in New York,” I said waving the letter in the air.

My father looked at me with doubtful eyes and shook his head. “Now don’t get your hopes up. Nobody from around here has ever been a writer.”

It wasn’t just what he had said but the look in his eyes that shook my resolve. It was a look that spoke of some hidden knowing about how dreams end up in the real world. And in that instant all my joy, all my excitement vanished. It was as if my father had popped my birthday balloon.

Now, my father wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t a cruel man nor would he have ever hurt me intentionally. In his own way, he was trying to protect me. He didn’t want to see me disappointed. But in that moment, the dent in my shield buckled under the strain of this newest blow and what had only been a doubt was now fear. And for the very first time I feared that my dream might not come true.

What if the editor didn’t like my story? What if it wasn’t good enough? Dad was right. Nobody from our little town had ever done anything like this before. What made me think I was any different?

I went from expecting an acceptance letter to dreading a rejection. My energy had totally switched. I was now focused on what I didn’t want to happen instead of being focused on what I wanted to happen.

Sure enough, that editor never did call me.

After that I sent in more and more submissions, but not with the joy and excitement I had once had. Now I sent my submissions in desperation; desperate to prove that I could do it—that I was good enough. And with each submission came a new rejection. My fear deepened. At one point I actually started to send in ideas expectingto be rejected.

In time, my passion faded—having been poisoned by fear. And slowly I just stopped submitting.

But passion is a hard thing to keep down. After a few years I tried again. Though I still got rejection letters, I started to get hand written comments and suggestions from the editors—words of encouragement and advice. They wrote things like: “Keeping sending in submissions”, “I look forward to your next idea.” “Don’t give up.” These letters went on for nearly a year. Long enough for doubt to creep back in. That doubt morphed into fear—fear that it was taking too long, that they might never accept me.

Had I not been in “fear-mode” I might have realized just how close I was to breaking into Marvel. In later years I would learn that I was just a submission or two away from an offer.It still hurts to think about it.But fear makes you run away from things. Passion allows you to run to them.

So I decided if they didn’t want me I’d start my own company, write my own characters and worlds.

By now I was married and had a new baby. My wife and I worked on the company together. My day job wasn’t bringing in enough and the company was draining away our savings. To say fear was back would be an understatement.

I was excited that I was finally pursuing my passion, but I didn’t know then that passion can’t be pursued. It can’t be forced or compelled. But we pushed on.

Finally the first book was done. We paid a small fortune for printing and advertising space with Andromeda Distributors, the largest comic book distributor in North America. I drove from comic shop to comic shop promoting the release. I made appearances on local television and radio.

Then there was nothing left to do but wait for the first orders to come in.We figured if we could just sell 500 copies, we could pay the expenses and the upcoming rent. Who couldn’t sell 500 books in all of Canada and the US?

A week later the order arrived from Andromeda. My wife waited with growing anticipation for me to open the envelope. I ran my finger down the orders to the bottom total. I saw, but didn’t quite understand, the number 7. I blinked, trying to process what it actually meant. My wife was smiling with anticipation, “How many?” she asked.

At first I couldn’t speak. I suppressed the tears pooling in my eyes. “Seven,” I heard myself say.

“Seven thousand?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t think so,” I said.

She reached for the paper. “Maybe it’s counted in hundreds?”

I let her take the order form and I slumped down on the floor. I stared at the 5000 copies of book one and two we had pre-printed, wondering how I was going to pay rent that month. And for the very first time in my life, I hated comic books.

With no money to continue and no way to sell the books we had, I watched my dream wither and die before me.

About a month later Andromeda sent us information on the big comic book convention in Toronto. Over 500,000 people were promised to attend. It cost $600 to sign up as a vender, not counting travel and accommodations. To be honest, the thought of packing $10,000 worth of comics in my car and driving to Toronto was terrifying. I had never driven more than a hundred kilometers away from home before, let alone a city as large as Toronto. I wasn’t even sure my old car could make the 4000km round trip.

But we decided to try it. So we sent off the fee and on a chilly October afternoon I set out alone for Toronto. I pulled away waving to my wife and baby with high hopes. To this day I only remember being more afraid one other time—and that was to come about 12 hours later.

I drove through the night. With only $80 in my pocket I couldn’t afford a hotel. It was about 2:30am. I had been driving for hours. Then I struck a piece a metal on the road, just outside Quebec City. I pulled off the highway and got out to see that I had two flat tires. It’s hard to describe how I felt in that moment. Terrified doesn’t quite do it justice.

With no phone and the little cash I had in my pocket I started walking. To where, I had no idea. Exhausted and cold, I came upon a convenience store about an hour later. After a long night and having to spend most of my money I was back on the road just before dawn.

I had a lot of time to think as I drove along the St. Lawrence. I felt alone and lost. I had no idea what was waiting for me in Toronto but I was way past imagining anything good. Where was the kid who loved superheroes and comic books? The kid who thought nothing could ever get in the way of finding his dream? I looked in the mirror and couldn’t see him.

I arrived at the convention later the next day. I’d like to say that this is the part of the story where everything changed. When the redemption moment happened and the hero digs deep and finds his passion once more and becomes the bestselling comic book author he had always dreamed of.

But as the title suggests, this is a cautionary tale of what fear can do to our dreams, how it can crush passion—if you let it.

By the time I got to the convention center my energy was so poor that I didn’t even appreciate where I was. All my life I had dreamed of being at a convention just like the one I was at. Some of the biggest comic book writers and artists were just a few tables down from me. And yet, I didn’t even introduce myself. I never left my table. I worked hard to encourage people to notice my book, but few did. I spent most of the convention watching the crowd pass by my table. When the weekend was over I had sold nothing—not one book. I packed up and I drove home feeling more crushed than ever.

The next week after that I went to the bank to close my business account for good. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done. It was like admitting for once and for all that my dream of becoming a comic book writer was finally over.

Though those times were rough, the years have dulled the pain and I am able to look back at them with a new sense of appreciation. The lessons I learned were invaluable.

Today my passion for writing has changed and evolved because of those hard times. I’ve learned (once more) to write for the joy of it and for myself. As I write this I am just finishing my first novel. It is an accomplishment I would have never been able to do without the above events. They are a part of who I am; they shaped my outlook and my understanding of passion and how to protect it.

That being said I think, just maybe, if I could open up one of my old comic books and pull a time machine from its pages I’d take a trip back to 1987 to visit a boy still full of passion and hope. He’d probably have a comic in his hand and a smile on his face.

I’d whisper these words of advice to that boy…

1) Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t.

2) Fear only exists by your own creation.

3) Take a minute, slow down to appreciate and enjoy.

4) Never worry about what other people might think about your dream.

5) Remember that it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

6) Never tell anyone about your dream until you make it happen.