Tag: self-help

Change, Meaning & COVID-19

These are unique and difficult times. Our lives have been, quiet literally, halted–for how long, no one really knows. It’s a change so drastic that no reasonable person, given the chance to wave a magic wand, wouldn’t turn back the clock to when a trip out to grab a coffee, visit friends, travel or even see a movie was ordinary and benign.      

But the magic wand doesn’t exist and this new normal may be with us for a very long time.  

Change has been thrust upon us–like it or not.

So, we must change with the change and learn how to navigate our new path. To do this, it is vital that we pay close attention to this moment and explore the lessons it has for us as individuals and even the world.

The COVID–19 Pandemic has brought out the best of us and the worse. We have been selfless, present and giving.  But we have also fallen prey to fear, selfishness and missed opportunities to be kind.

It has turned the mirror back on us–the question is, do we like the reflection we see?  

And regardless of that reflection and whatever judgement we assign it, might I suggest that this moment in time offers us a unique and powerful opportunity–to see ourselves and our society in a new way–one that is imploring us to slow down, be more patient, more present?

Society has become rushed, distracted and addicted to convenience, all at the expense of our physical, mental and spiritual well-being.      

We have lost ourselves in this constant need to distract ourselves.

For everything else that it has wrought, the pandemic has also given us an opportunity to experience our world anew and to find ourselves again. To get to know who we really are–perhaps for the very first time.

It is through this new knowing that we may come to truly understand ourselves and if we have been living a life worthy of the amazing creations we are.

When the worse of this is over and we gladly retreat back into our lives as they once were, I am afraid we will have missed the greatest opportunity this generation has ever known to experience true growth. If this happens–then what was the point? What did it mean?

And yes, you might say that the COVID Pandemic didn’t mean anything—that it was just something that happened.  But, as with everything, the events of our lives only have the meaning we assign them. The lessons we learn are those we choose to learn and the steps we take toward change and growth are those we consciously make—one foot at a time.

The greater the change, the greater the opportunity for growth.

So, I choose to seek meaning and purpose in all this–to learn and to grow. 

For the last 50 years, many of the things I wanted to do were often put on the backburner. Set aside for a more convenient time, a better time, an easier time, the “right” time; allowing distraction and simple procrastination dictate my focus and attention. “I’ll start tomorrow”, or “It can wait”, or “I’ll have plenty of time later” had become my secret affirmations. 

But what all this has taught me—finally, is that we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And as I have taught for so many years (but rarely lived), the present moment is all we have. This moment.

So, are you paying attention to this very unique moment in time? What is it teaching you about your life and how you have lived it?   Allow yourself the gift to explore this question–free from distraction. Allow this new imposed stillness to serve you. Let it speak to you. And from that deep quiet of the soul, perhaps something good can come from all of this, after all.   

Finishing Fear: How to get to THE END.

Some writers say the hardest part of the writing process is starting, but I’m not so sure. Yes, “starting” can be challenging for sure, but once you get over this first hurdle, it’s usually a profoundly powerful experience—one punctuated by a burst of inspired momentum that can last for hours. A while back I wrote about this idea in a piece called: “A Breakthrough Cure for Writer’s Block”. Please check it out when you get the chance.

But, today I want to talk about finishing that novel or story of yours because that’s what’s been giving me the greatest problem lately.

It seems that no matter how well my writing is going, whether it’s the final line of my novel or the remaining paragraphs of a chapter, I find myself putting on the proverbial brakes right before the end. It’s become a bad habit.

But why? What’s so hard about finishing? After-all, you would think that a writer would want to bring his story and characters to a satisfying conclusion? Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Now, I’m sure I just heard somebody out there say, “No way! It’s about the journey, not the destination”. “Art for art sake” and all that. And I’m not disagreeing—completely. To write well a writer has to be engaged, inspired and involved totally in “the process” of writing, writing without expectation, or without any worries about how it might, or might not, turn out. But let’s face it, if you never finish a story what do you really have? What was it all for?

Growing up, my friends and I would often go swimming off the Government Wharf in my home town. There was really only one way to get in—which was take a running leap off the end and dive head-first into the icy water. Depending on the tide, the dive could be a good ten to twelve feet high and there would always be somebody who would run the length of the wharf only to pull up short right at the edge. Everybody else would be jumping in and having fun. The fear of finishing your story is much the same thing. What’s the point if you never finish—if you never take that last, satisfying jump?

If you always get stalled at the ending you will never deliver a finished story, at worse. At best, your productivity is going to take a serious butt-kicking.

So, what’s the solution? Up until last week, I was sitting stalled at the 80,000 word mark of my 83,000 word novel. Had I suddenly run out of creative energy? Did all the words in the dictionary dry up? Did my Muse take an unscheduled European vacation? I doubt it. Then, what was the deal?

After a fair bit of soul searching and a pinch of honesty, I figured out the problem. I was afraid to finish my novel. I’m not talking about a kind of fear that had me breaking out into sweats or one that was keeping me up at nights—no, this was far more subtle. It was almost insidious. So much so that I wasn’t even aware there was a problem. But, once I became more aware how I was feeling–that there might be something wrong, I started to look for symptoms.

Here’s the three things that kept cropping up for me.

1) U-turning
I was turning about-face, near the end of story to reread, rewrite, or revise instead of simply crossing the finish line.

2) Extreme Perfectionism
I started to blame those “weak areas” in my story. The ones that were obviously affecting my ability to bring the story to a close. If I could just make them all “just right” the ending would magically fall into place, I told myself. So instead of finishing the final chapter, I reworked those tiny things that truly had no bearing on the ending. All the while, my novel remained incomplete.

3) Excessive Procrastination
I became incredibly susceptible to distraction. Any notion that popped into my head seemed a reasonable excuse for not finishing my novel. I told myself that I would finish it “tomorrow”. That this would be a good place to “bookmark”. Maybe a little extra research (surfing the net, checking Twitter or Facebook) would be helpful? Undone chores suddenly became a priority. Inexplicably, I felt that if I didn’t rearrange the spice cabinet immediately terrible consequences would transpire.

When I really stopped to take a good look at what I was doing I realized I needed to address this stuff—and fast. It took a bit of effort but I figured out a few things that really helped me push to the end.

They were surprising simple tricks that any writer can use. Here they are…

1) Be Conscious
When you find yourself getting close to the end of the story take a minute to reinforce your desire to finish. Be aware of any sudden urges to take a break, or backtrack. Then ask yourself if either is really necessary right now, in this moment.

2) Jump to the End
If you feel any hesitation, take drastic action and jump right to the last line, the last paragraph or even the last page and then work backwards. In goal setting, we are often taught to “think from the end”. Why not write from the end? Skip right over all the bull and stuff and cut right to the meat.

3) Take a Neutral Approach
Try writing free of any per-determined outcome or ending—either positive or negative. Don’t worry what the ending is going to look like or how good it is going to come off. Just write, one word after the other until you reach the end. Set aside your opinions of how the writing should be going, or how fast.

4) Be Courageous
You’ve worked really hard to get this far in your story. You’ve overcome plot problems, crazy dialogue, tired clichés, sleepless nights and maybe even the occasional caffeine overdose only to quit now? I don’t think so! This is your story—beginning, middle and end.

5) Think like Your Hero
What would your hero do at the cusp of attaining the goal? Would he go for it with all
his might, or would he go have a coffee? Maybe cut the grass? No way! When the
goal is in sight, the hero always goes for it! And so should you.

Finishing anything is a big deal—it’s not always easy—believe me, I know. Writing is no different. No wonder it almost always comes with fear. But, the ability to recognize that fear and move pass it is what separates the writers with finished, readable stories from those who only wish they could.

Did I miss something? How do you push to the end? What tricks have you learned to finish that published and award-winning novel? I’d love to hear your views. So please drop me a line or two. Til next time, back to writing!

Troy

Five Ways to Relieve the Pressure of Time & Be Happier

Lately, there never seems to be enough time. It feels more and more like I’m in a race (or even a struggle) against the clock. I have been putting an immense amount of pressure on myself to “get things done” whether it be my writing, my studying or preparing for my upcoming workshops.

The pressure of each passing moment keeps squeezing me tighter and tighter and I don’t always like the feelings that come out: stress, frustration, anxiety and even guilt are among them. Not so spiritual, right?

It’s an odd paradox. I work hard to become more spiritual, but sometimes the harder I work, the less spiritual I feel. Especially when I get wrapped up in issues around my time.

To be fair, I’ve never really seen time as an issue in my personal or spiritual development. But I recently got a comment on an article I published with Tiny Buddha. The article was all about expressing mastery through spirituality. The commenter mentioned (her) fear of wasting time and ultimately running out of time before she can reach her goals. There is a profound feeling of anxiousness or even guilt when we approach time in this way.

I certainly can relate. On my best days, I see time as that precious resource—a commodity to be used and spent in the pursuit of my goals. On my worse days, time is little more than an adversary—the villain that stands in the way of my dreams. It is something to be opposed, controlled or manipulated.

I’ll admit that neither outlook is very spiritual, productive or even healthy.

So let’s take a few minutes to look at the relationship between time, our goals and ourselves.

Interestingly, scientists can’t even find the thing we call “time”. Some have likened time to the flight of an arrow and the currents of a flowing river. Yet physics does not support a flowing model of time. In fact, it is likely that it doesn’t move at all. The math seems to suggest that time is merely an illusion, or if it does exist, nobody knows what it really is. So if time doesn’t exist, how can it have such a profound effect on us?

Perception.

Whether or not time exists and how it works is irrelevant to our daily lives. These questions are best left to the scientists. What is important is how we see time. Perception is key.

Here are five limiting perceptions about time and how we can counteract them:

1) “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!”

How often do you find yourself saying these words? Quite a lot, I’ll bet. Listen to the undertone of this statement—this belief. It is filled with limitation and consequential anxiety. It’s normal to feel anxious when there’s a lot to do, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Action: Try looking at time in a different way. Resist the habit to see time as a commodity that you can use or spend in the pursuit of your goals. This perception only reinforces the idea that time is scarce. Time could likely be eternal, for all we know. So how can looking at time in a different way help someone get things done faster?
By changing your perception about a thing, you change how that thing effects you. If you believe that something is impossible—it most likely will be for you. But if you see something as achievable, you will be open to new ways that make it so. Likewise, if you see time as abundant, rather than scarce, it is far more likely that you will be less anxious about how much time you have. If you don’t waste time worrying about time, you might have more of it to work with. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change—including time.

2) “TIME IS MOVING TOO FAST!”

It does seem like the world is getting faster. The days slip into weeks and weeks into months. Everything and everybody appears to be in a rush. But again it only appears that way. If time truly doesn’t exist then there is no less of it than there was yesterday. So if our perception can speed up time, then our perception can slow it down too.
Action: When the hands on the clock seem like they are spinning out of control simply reset the clock. Take a step back, out of whatever imagined pace you are currently in, and take a breath. Don’t think about everything that has to get done, or that there isn’t enough time to finish it all. Just take a breath and focus on that. If that feels good—do it again. You will feel things slowing down all around you, almost instantly.

3) “I’M TOO SLOW!”

It is easy to start blaming yourself and to allow self-criticism to effect you. After-all, everybody else seems be able to keep up with time—right? One of the most counter-productive attitudes we can adopt is to compare ourselves to what others are doing and how fast they are doing it. We should move at our own pace, without judgement.
Action: Do one thing at a time, do it well and move on—without watching the clock. You’ll not only get more done, but you will do it with less anxiety, too. Try not to concern yourself with the pace of others.

4) “I’M WASTING WHAT LITTLE TIME I HAVE.”

This is a fear shared by many people. They worry that they are wasting the “little time they have”. They worry that by the time they figure things out it will be too late. They worry that they are squandering their time, doing less productive or useful things. Guilt turns these individuals into work-alcoholics, afraid to let up even for an instant for fear that time will run out.
Action: Stay present. Fearing that time will run out is something that exists outside the present moment. The present is where we draw our power. What are you doing right now? Be present with that. Accept it. Be with that. Don’t rush it or hurry it along, or fear that it might go away. Just be that moment—that eternal moment of pure power and creative potential.

5) “I HAVE TO STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT TO BE HAPPY”.

While I believe it is extremely important to stay present, aware and mindful, it’s even more important not to confuse the present moment with time. As you read this post, this moment feels real. It’s not a memory, or an imagined view of the future. It’s happening right now. But, that small slice of time you just identified as the PRESENT MOMENT is already gone—slipped happily into what we call the past. So subconsciously, we set ourselves up for anxiety as we grasp for the ungraspable–a moment in time.
Action: Reconsider how you see the present moment. It can not be attached to the minutes, seconds and milliseconds of our lives. The present moment is more about a state of being. It’s about appreciation and knowing. It is about connecting to what is—whenever that is.

Why We Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Fear & Doubt

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear. It has been called “dream killer”, “toxic” and my personal favorite: “spiritual poison”. Without question, fear (and its accomplice doubt) can seem pretty nasty. At least, at first glance. But are they—really?

Before I go any further I’d like to clarify the kind of fear I’m discussing here.

I’m not talking about what you feel when that huge, angry dog jumps out from behind a corner. Obviously, this physical fear response is necessary. If we didn’t listen to it, we might just end up as Kibbles ‘n Bits. This kind of fear is a good thing, without question.

What I’m talking about is the deep-down feeling that whispers in your ear. It seems to say things like: “It won’t work”, “You’re not good enough” or it simply tells us to give up. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all heard the voices of Fear and Doubt. It works at a spiritual level.

It’s easy to see why Fear and Doubt gets so much bad press, especially from the self-help movement. Personal development coaches and spiritual gurus worldwide regularly take pot-shots at this misunderstood duo. They write books on conquering fear and squashing doubt, put on “fear-busting” workshops and regularly blog about Fear and Doubt’s dangers. Myself included.

I suppose you really can’t blame us, after-all Fear and Doubt can be so—well, scary.

In fact, if I were to write a fictional story personifying Fear and Doubt, they’d seem like the obvious choice for the villains. They are mysterious. They only come out during our darkest and lowest points. And we call them “FEAR” and “DOUBT” for pity’s sake! To be honest, from this perspective, they do kind of seem indefensible.

But to paint anything with one brush stroke is unfair and a bit cliché. I think clichés rarely speak truth. They are usually bias, superficial and pulled from ignorance and prejudice. And as I just learned from the Guardian’s of the Galaxy movie: “Nobody is a 100% a-hole.”

No, spiritual fear must have a purpose. It must be trying to tell us something.

Think about it. If our physical fear response is an inbuilt safety mechanism that protects us from physical danger, then is it so hard to accept that our spiritual fear response mechanism is any less noble?

Let’s imagine that we have Fear and Doubt all wrong. What if, instead of being the villains of the story—they are the unsung heroes?

Yah right! The things that crush our dreams and aspirations are actually here to help us. Sure they are…

For the next minute or so, I invite you to open you mind to the possibility that Fear and Doubt might not be so bad, after all.

So if Fear and Doubt are not the villains of the story, what are they?

They are Lighthouse Keepers

Fear and Doubt tirelessly watch for when we go off course. From a spiritual or personal development point-of-view, going off course means stepping outside the present moment.
They keep a constant vigil, warning us of when we are straying into dangerous territory by casting their guiding light.

They do this with subtle warnings—at first. We may get an “uneasy feeling” or “feel off”. These are the disquieting messages we hear—the whispers of doubt.

We only hear these messages when the rocks are nearby.

The problem is not the message, the problem is our misinterpretation of the message. All too often we fail to see the true purpose of Fear and Doubt, which is to guide us back on course and into the present moment and realign us with our unlimited potential.

We tend to turtle and end up quitting instead of simply making that needed adjustment, that simple course correction.

They are Loyal and Steadfast Companions

If we don’t heed those first, subtle warnings the gentle nudges become harder knocks and more difficult to ignore. And you can count on Fear and Doubt to send up the alarm as loud as needed to get your attention.

There is a story out of the States about a man whose house was burning down as he slept. His dog barked and barked, trying to warn its master, but the man ignored the dog. Finally, the dog bit the man. The man awoke to find his house on fire. Both the man and his dog escaped the blaze.

Fear and Doubt work much in the same way. They are our loyal companions—inborn spiritual mechanisms designed to guide and protect us, no matter what.

A spiritual bite might look like repeated problems, set-backs and failures. It feels like we just can’t catch a break. We may start to get down on ourselves and question if it’s worth the effort. We doubt if our goals and dreams will ever materialize.

This is a critical point. A misinterpretation of the message here can cause a person to quit and crumble. But remember, it’s not Fear and Doubts’ message that is causing the strain, it is the misalignment with your own unlimited potential and the present moment that is causing Fear and Doubt to “bite” you.

They Just Might Be Our Guardian Angels

If we manage to ignore the gentle nudges and even the bites, Fear and Doubt will bring out the “big guns”.

This happens only after we have become so wrapped up in our own drama and have gone so far off course that everything seems threatened. We can no longer even see the goal and our very life’s purpose appears lost.

This is what we sometimes call “hitting spiritual rock bottom”. It is our most dangerous and vulnerable spiritual point.

We are standing at the edge of the cliff, only we are so blinded and lost that we don’t even know that we have a choice to step back. Panic is now running the show. Fear and Doubt need to get our attention and they need to do it quickly.

So it only makes sense that Fear and Doubt will be the loudest here. At this point, they start to look a little like guardian angels. This is our darkest hour and yet loyal Fear and Doubt have not forsaken you. They will do everything they can to get you back on course and into the light.

So Fear and Doubt, as a last resort, will offer up a spiritual slap in the face. A loud and clear message to wake up — or else. This may look and feel like a crisis of faith in yourself and your dreams.

It is here where we make or break it. Either we listen to the message and pull back into the present moment and once again focus completely and wholly on the things we want—or we don’t. Misinterpretations of Fear and Doubt’s messages at this juncture can be catastrophic.

Fear and Doubt always remind us that our lives are about choices. We can either focus on what we want (our unlimited potential that exists within the present moment) or we can focus on what we don’t want (the fear of not reaching that potential).

If you have a dream, then stay present with that dream. Don’t regret the failures of the past or worry about what might happen in the future. Fear and Doubt is only trying to help us to stay present, aligned and in tune.

The fear we feel isn’t meant to tell us that we can’t do a thing, that’s its impossible. It is intended to remind us of our unlimited potential.

From now on, try using Fear and Doubt in a new way. See them as the helpful guides and the loyal companions they are.

It kind of gives a whole new meaning to the saying, “Don’t shoot the messenger”, doesn’t it?

Thanks for visiting. If you liked this post feel free to explore my other posts and please leave me a comment. I love hearing from my readers. And you are still able to get a free copy of My Happy Workplace, by signing up for my newsletter.

Personal Development: Step Zero

I’ve written a lot about the difficulties involved in personal development, goal setting and self-improvement. It’s no great secret that going after (and getting) what you want isn’t easy. It seems one day you’re up—the next day you’re on your face.

These emotional roller-coaster rides are rarely highlighted on the dust jackets of self-improvement books. Much of the popular literature on the subject seems just a bit too easy. It’s a “do this—get this” kind of approach. The information is delivered in a very linear way, without taking to account all the side-roads, potholes, and down-right washouts that can happen during the process. The up and downs on the road to self-improvement can be rough, no matter the goal: whether you are working towards a healthier lifestyle, financial freedom, enlightenment or maybe even becoming a professional author.

Sadly, it’s never the difficulty of the goal that causes us to ultimately fail, but it’s these bumpy patches along the way that prove to be the undoing of many a dream-seeker. This is because these setbacks are:

1) Unexpected.
2) Disappointing.
3) Exhausting—emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Let’s face it, we are always going to have setbacks. But they do us in because we simply aren’t ready for them—most of the time. And that’s because we haven’t properly prepared ourselves in advance. And to prepare ourselves we have to start out on the right step.

Step Zero

I’ve always thought that I knew what this first step was. After all I’ve been studying, teaching and writing about personal development for a few years now. I’ve taught in my workshops and written that the first step in goal-setting is making a choice—a real choice. A choice that declares: “It’s time I made a serious change in my life and go for what I want.”

I’ve always seen this all-important choice as the spark that ignites purpose—a new direction.

But the other day, a co-worker and I were discussing some challenges she was having with the lessons in my book: My Happy Workplace. I happened to mention that the first step is all about making that choice to change your life for the better. “You have to want change,” I said.

She looked at me and said, “I don’t think that’s right—at least not for me. For me, it’s more about believing I can make that change, that I have what it takes, that I can do it. And ultimately, believing that I’m worthy.”

This floored me! I had always assumed that belief developed throughout the process of going after what I wanted—little acts of faith leading to small successes which in turn build up the belief system. I saw it as part of the ongoing process, not the beginning.

But what my friend had told me was fundamentally different. Without believing in herself, she couldn’t even get out of the gate.

I took the next few days to think about what she had said. Afterwards, I was left with an interesting question: What comes first—the belief you can make a choice or choosing to believe?

I finally came to the conclusion that if a person doesn’t believe in himself, his abilities and his worthiness to reach his goals he can never take the first step.
Then a problem occurred to me. True belief can’t be faked or forced. It has to be felt—known. Belief grows out of experience. You just can’t choose to believe something. To believe something, you must experience it, have conscious contact with it. Otherwise it is always going to be tainted with doubt.

So if you can’t make a choice without belief and you need to choose to believe—it’s a classic stalemate, right?

Not necessarily.

The key is working yourself up to it—slowly.

Think of it this way: A sprinter doesn’t just walk up to the starting line and jump right into the race without preparing herself. She warms up, stretches, and gets settled into position.
We have to do the same thing in goal setting. Before we even begin the process of going after those big shiny goals of ours, we have to prepare.

We have to get our house in order. Our ducks in a row. Our stars aligned…well, you get the picture. It’s like we are conditioning ourselves not physically (as an athlete does) but spiritually. It’s an internal process of self-discovery, acceptance and mindfulness–one that gets us to the starting line.

So how do we prepare ourselves spiritually?

  1) Start where you are right now—leave behind whatever past baggage has been holding you back. Accept that you are perfectly positioned in the here and now to begin a new life.

  2) Understand that you don’t have to do everything all at once. Break the process down into smaller more manageable bits.

  3) Expect road bumps and setbacks. They are part of the process and have nothing to do with your worthiness to receive your goal. Problems and failures are teachers, treat them as such.

 4) Give yourself permission to make a mistake now and then—for goodness sake. Nobody is perfect—and that’s okay. Your mistakes and setbacks do not define you.

 5) Recognize that time is not a factor. There are no deadlines, no schedules other than the ones you impose upon yourself. There is no score keeper—except you. Things will happen as they happen.

6) Lastly, accept that you are worthy of your goals. The very fact that you desire a goal indicates that you have the power to achieve it. The desire wouldn’t be there otherwise. Goal setting is like casting a tow-line into the future—where you have already achieved the goal. All you need to do is allow that desire to pull you into that future.

Consider the above work as prerequisites to transform your outlook and opinion of yourself to the point where you are ready to take that first step and become a person capable of making a choice to go after the life you want, knowing that it is yours.

Thanks for visiting. If you liked what you read, please leave me a comment. To get updates on my latest writing and events please subscribe to my newsletter. If you do subscribe, a free downloadable version of my book My Happy Workplace, will be waiting in your inbox as a gift from me—to express my gratitude.

Thanks again,

 Troy

Six Simple Ways to Find “Your Thing”

There seems to be no shortage of books, DVD’s, YouTube clips and tweets telling us exactly how to get what we want out of life. That’s great for those of us who already have a plan. But, what do you do if you don’t have a click or a clue of what you actually want in the first place?

At first rub, you might think you’re out of luck. Afterall, if you don’t even know what you want, do you really deserve to be successful? You bet your socks!

News flash! Most people don’t know what they want out of life. And that’s okay.

So how can you figure what you want to be?

This is the most important question you’ll ever ask yourself, so you might think it’s not going to be easy to answer. I bet you think you have to go on a spiritual journey—you know: the whole eat, pray, love thing? Or monk-it-up for a year or two? Maybe devote yourself to universal contemplation and meditation for forty days and forty night nights. Visit a psychic?

I suppose you could do any of the above, if you’re really into wasting time. But there is a better way.

All you need to do is to ask yourself six simple questions. They’re not too difficult and you won’t have to uproot your life to figure out that elusive raison d’ être of yours.

Ready? Here they are.

Question #1:

Ask yourself: What would you be doing if absoluetly nothing stood in your way?

Question #2:

If you knew whatever you tried could not fail—no matter what—what would you do?

Question #3:

Do you have something that you will not compromise on, give up or put off for anything else?

Question #4:

Does anything make you feel happy just by thinking about it?

Questtion #5:

Do you have that one thing that excites you more than anything else?

Question #6:

What is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night?

That wasn’t so hard was it?

If you were able to answer any or all of the above questions—then that is your thing. Congrats!

And now that you know what you want to do, you can start leafing through that self-help book on how to make your dream come true.

And if you still weren’t able to come up with something—there’s always Nepal. 

But seriously, if you are still having trouble finding your purpose–that’s okay. These things can’t be rushed.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to stop looking and let your purpose find you. Be patient, it will come.

Thanks for visiting.  Let me know how this information worked for you.  Leave a comment or like me on Facebook.

Til next time…

Troy


Let Nature Be Your Guru

Whenever I’m feeling stressed, down or blocked I head straight for Nature. There’s something deeply spiritual about taking a quiet walk in the woods or listening to the birds at first light. The natural world sets my soul at ease in a way that nothing else can. It’s better than any self-help book or DVD—by far. So much so, that a few minutes of nature gives me more benefit than hours of spiritual study.

If you think about it, this makes sense. People have been turning to nature for spiritual guidance for thousands of years. In fact, before written language, nature was our only teacher. We looked to the stars, the world and the animals for instruction on how to live better lives. We had a deep connection to the natural world. We watched its patterns, its signs and even its moods. Then we lived in accordance with what we saw.

Getting back to nature is one the easiest and most enjoyable ways to reconnect with your spiritual self. And if you are willing to listen and watch, the life lessons are literally everywhere.

Yesterday I took an early morning bike ride on one of our woodland trails. It’s a wonderful spot. It has older-growth trees, wildlife, the Lahave River and a sense of the wilderness without being too isolated. Here’s what happened…

As I quietly rode the trail, I opened myself up to everything around me. It didn’t take long before the trees, the animals, the river, and even the trail itself was gently whispering secrets in my ear and reminding me of lessons I’d been neglecting of late.

First off, I paused for a minute or two to watch the river beside the trail gently flow by. Here and there, large rocks stuck out of the river. One particularly huge rock caught my eye and I studied the water as it quietly and without any effort at all, simply moved around it. As great a barrier the rock seemed to be, the water merely went around it—no fuss, no muss—as if it wasn’t even there.

In life we tend to place far too much attention and energy on perceived barriers. The more we focus on a barrier or a problem, the bigger it becomes. We fight and push against our problems, never getting any further ahead, when all we need to do is go around. And here I found the first lesson:

Don’t push against life’s barriers—go around them.

I rode on. My mind wondered for a moment and I started to think about an unexpected bill that was due. I thought about abundance, and imagined a day when my financial worries would be gone. As I peddled along the trail I noticed the thousands, no millions, of green leaves all around me. Every blade of grass, every leaf, every plant existing in profusion—and each and every one filtering the air and pumping out oxygen for me to breathe.

I glanced down at the trail, noticing the multitude of tiny pebbles covering the path. A year before, the trail had been uneven and difficult to ride. But now all these countless grains of sand worked together to provide me with a smooth and comfortable ride.

As I looked around, I suddenly became acutely aware and present to the fact that we live in an abundance universe. From the water in the river, to the leaves on the trees, to the sand beneath me—it is all offered up in abundance. The universe is one grand exercise in abundance.

I also realized in that moment that I was a part of that abundant universe. The only thing that separates me from financial abundance is my incorrect notion that I’m not a part of it. Abundance is always present, if we take proper notice.

I thought back to the rock in the river. If my financial barriers are like the rock and my natural abundance is like the river, all I need to do is go around the barriers instead of focusing on them.

And herein was the second lesson:

Accept that we live in an abundant universe.

Feeling more energized and in tune than I had in weeks I moved deeper into the woods. There I came upon a number of massive oak trees that had been downed in a storm the week before. They lay snapped in two, their huge trunks splintered like broken pencils. I got off my bike to have a closer look. The wood was fresh and healthy—absolutely no rot. And yet they had broken in the wind when other seemingly weaker trees had survived.

I examined the trees that had weathered the storm. To no surprise, these seemed more flexible than the old hardwoods. The giant oaks were strong, for sure, but rigid.
In life, flexibility will win out over strength—every time. A flexible person can bend and adapt to changes, new situations, challenges and problems. But a rigid person, no matter how strong, will break eventually under the strain. Just like the oak tree. The third lesson is reflected in these broken trees and the Tao…

The soft shall overcome the hard.

I make my way back to the path and my eye catches a dew-covered spider’s web glistening in the sunlight. Sitting still as stone, at the center of the web, a large black spider waits. There’s no way to know just how long the spider has been there, but I get the sense it’s been awhile.

There’s a rock nearby, so I decide to sit for a bit. After all, I’m here to learn from nature—right? Half an hour passes, and very little happens. In fact, nothing happens. The spider might be dead for all I can tell. I ignore a few strange looks from passerbys and continue to watch.

Then, finally, about ten minutes later a moth gets caught in the web. The spider springs into action and pounces on its breakfast.

What would have happened if the spider had gotten tired of waiting? What if it had started to doubt if it would ever reach its goal—and simply gave up?

I think that’s exactly what people do—far too much. We give up on our dreams just as they are about to materialize. Doubt and impatience can easily rob us of our prize, if we give into them. So I got my fourth message from a spider…

Don’t fall prey to impatience.

I’m back on my bike, peddling happily along when I enter a darker section of the trail where a grove of huge pine trees grow. The morning sunlight is blocked out by these enormous trees and my eyes are drawn upward. They are well over one hundred feet tall. I climb off my bike and walk over to the largest one and stand at is base.

I make a feeble attempt to put my arms around the trunk and I don’t even get half way around.

Glancing down at the partially exposed roots I wonder just how far down they go.

As huge as this tree is, it started out as a tiny seed, no bigger than my finger nail.

How could a tree, this big, be tucked away in such a small package?

I can hear the river rushing over the rocks nearby. Here the river is deep and full—millions of gallons of water! And yet the river, as spectacular as it is, began with as a trickle somewhere much further upstream.

In life, we can get easily discouraged by looking at the totality of a goal or a dream. Looking at the “big picture” can be overwhelming. “It’s too big.” “I’ll never be able to do it.” “It’s too hard.”

But remember, everything ever created, any goal ever achieved, started out small. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter began with a single drop of ink on the page. All of Mozart’s great works started with a solitary note.

We shouldn’t get discouraged by big dreams. Nature certainly doesn’t. We just have to remember to break our aspirations and goals into smaller, more manageable bits. Take the first step and then the next and next… One at a time. 

All big things have small beginnings. So start small.

By this time I was feeling so good, so in tune, that I didn’t want to go home. It’s easy to get lost in the moment, so close to nature. The birds singing, the gentle sway of the trees in the breeze, the bubbling river had all gently pulled me into the Now of the moment.

While in the Now, it is impossible to be anywhere else. In the Now, there are no regrets of the past or worries of the future.

Even the animals are constant reminders to stay present. The patient spider from before was certainly in the present moment.

Then, as if on cue, I saw a deer moving through the trees nearby. It walked with a quiet “presence”. At that time, I doubted very much that it is anywhere but right there—in the moment. It wasn’t worrying about where it would sleep that night or if there was food around the next tree. It was just being.

In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude for where I was and the gift of being where I was–in that time and space.
And maybe that is the greatest lesson of the morning.

The present moment is a gift—treasure it.

It was nearly noon, and I had lost all track of time, but I felt great. I rode home with a new determination to use these lessons on a more regular basis.
Lets review them one last time:

The present moment is a gift—treasure it.

All big things have small beginnings. So start small.

Don’t fall prey to impatience.

The soft shall overcome the hard.

Accept that we live in an abundant universe.

Don’t push against life’s barriers—go around them.

Why not try this for yourself? Get back into nature. Sit on your back deck and breathe in the world around you. Go for a walk. Find a quiet place, just listen and be. You never know what nature might be trying to tell you.

And leave me a comment to let me know what nature told you.

Til next week,

Troy

Are You a Self-Improvement Junkie?

“Meditation is all about the pursuit of nothingness. It’s like the ultimate rest. It’s better than the best sleep you’ve ever had. It’s a quieting of the mind. It sharpens everything, especially your appreciation of your surroundings. It keeps life fresh.” – Hugh Jackman

Yesterday it occurred to me that it’s been a very long time, months perhaps, since I actually relaxed. And by “relaxed” I mean not thinking about or moving toward any self-improvement or personal development goal.

This kind of shocked me so I gave it some deeper thought. I must have recently done something just for fun. Right? Something that had nothing to do with goals, building skills or working toward them. Something quieting.

It only took me a minute or two to come up with a few of my favorite downtime activities. Things like: walking, biking, gardening, and watching a little TV. So I can relax, after all!
I’ll admit, though, it did have me worried. What kind of person can’t relax? Goals and aspirations are important for sure, and going after your dreams takes work, but there has to be some limits.

Then, I thought about a bike ride I had taken a few days ago. Even though I had enjoyed the ride immensely, I had stopped more than once to jot down an idea or two. Okay, maybe I didn’t relax totally on the bike ride.

How about the week before that? I spent the afternoon in my garden. That’s relaxing, right? And gardening has absolutely nothing to do with any of my self-improvement goals. Chalk that one up to team relaxation!

But the truth is, I spent most of the afternoon feeling guilty about not working on my novel. Okay…

What about chilling out in front of the television? That’s an easy one: I sat down to watch my favorite show just last night.

But wait… I missed the middle of the show because I got the idea for this article and had to scribble it down.

To be honest, I haven’t really relaxed for a long time—not fully, anyway. I have been so wrapped up in achieving my writing goals that I didn’t even realize just how hard I’ve been working.

Hmmm? Is it possible that I’m addicted—to my goal of becoming a full-time writer?

And is this such a bad thing? After all, if you really want something, don’t you have to go after it with all you’ve got? All your heart? All your soul?

Maybe? But, I think some of us on the “personal development” train have swapped the idea of focus and being present for something else.

In recent years, a new high-energy approach to personal development has evolved—one built on ambition and motivation. It is a high-octane, super-charged approach that demands a tremendous amount of energy. This spiritual practice takes individuals to extreme limits as they are expected to “live their ambition 24/7”, revving up energy to unnatural levels.

I’ll admit, this approach is very intoxicating because of how it makes you feel. It’s kind of like getting psyched-up for a big game. It makes you feel alive. It also gives you an overwhelming sense of accomplishment as you focus on the goal with a laser-sharp intensity. You know: “Eye of the tiger” stuff.

But, the downside to this approach is that it can easily monopolize, if not highjack your life. In a word, it’s addictive.

In time, it can even burn you out, as you desperately try to maintain the crazy energy levels required. In a very real way, you become hooked on the idea of chasing after your dreams rather than actually living them.

And herein lays the problem. Because all things ebb and flow, the pendulum WILL eventually swing back giving you a serious case of the “self-improvement jitters”. This happens because, the more intense you get, the harder it is for you to relax when the energy eventually dissipates. When this happens, you will feel the need to take a break—physically and spiritually, but won’t be able to—not fully, anyway.

That’s where I am right now. I currently find it very difficult to relax and take a true break. I’m always doing something involved with writing. Whether it’s a blog post, one of my three upcoming books or my novel, I’m always writing or thinking about writing.

Don’t misunderstand me. I love writing.

So what’s the problem, you might ask? If you’re doing what you love, isn’t that a good thing? Yes and no.

When I do try to take a break, my conditioning won’t allow me to. Guilt and anxiety usually force me back into “work mode” or “achievement mode”. The simple things in life can no longer be enjoyed, freely and completely.

Plus there is a very real spiritual concept that talks about the need to “release”. You may have heard the term: “Let go and let God”. If we are constantly grasping, chasing and striving, we never let go. And without “release” there can be no creation—no realization of the dream.

It is these “down times” between the work that act as a kind of spiritual release. It helps us to rebound, and regroup.

Wayne Dyer calls this “The Gap”. The space between. The silence. It is in these quiet moments of release where the magic really happens and we can’t get there if we never allow ourselves to come down—to relax and go into silence.

Without these downtimes, a person can become spiritually hyperactive and ultimately spiritually unproductive.

So, how can we tell if are addicted to self-improvement? Watch for these symptoms:

1) Anxiety
Do you feel uneasy when you take a break or do something other than a goal-related activity?

2) Guilt
Do you feel guilty if you take any sort of break?

3) Overly Self-critical
When you do take that much needed break, does anxiety and guilt distort your self-image? Have you ever seen yourself as lazy or (heaven forbid) unmotivated just for taking a break? Perhaps unworthy to receive the goal because of it?

4) Time Distorts
Do breaks and relaxation cause you to imagine that time is running out for you and your goal? Do you think that you are wasting time? As a result, do you amp up your efforts and work even harder?

5) Over-compensation
Once the break is over, have you ever doubled your efforts to “make-up” for lost time, almost like a self-imposed punishment?

Yes?

If you’re like me and have one or more of the above symptoms what can we do?

1) Give yourself permission to relax.
You don’t need to focus and concentrate on your goals constantly. Such an approach is not only unhealthy, but counterproductive. Release is perhaps the most important part of the creation process (speaking from a spiritual perspective.)

2) Set a clear intention to relax.
Say something like “I’m going to set aside the next hour to go for a walk—or whatever.” During that time, make sure you stay completely present. If you are going for a walk then go for a walk. Be with that activity in a full and “present” way. Enjoy it completely without thinking about anything else—including your goals.

3) Seek out silence.
Clear your thinking. Meditate every once and while. There’s nothing quite like meditation to ease a hyper-active mind. (It’s something I’m going to do more often.)

4) Detach from outcome.
For a short while, loosen your grip on your goal. Approach your goals with a light touch. It’s the striving and grasping that ultimately pushes our dreams away. Let it happen. Work towards those goals that truly resonate with you. Do what you do, because you love doing it—not to achieve something or to get something out of it.

That being said, I think it’s time for a break—a real one. Maybe I’ll go for a long bike ride in the park. And I won’t take my writing pad—I promise.

Thanks for visiting.

If you like my work, please subscribe to my weekly newsletter to get direct access and you’ll also receive a free download of my book MY HAPPY WORKPLACE.

I really appreciate your interest and I love getting your comments. Please drop me a line or two. I apologize to those of you who have been having difficulty leaving a comment, it seems to be a browser issue. My Facebook comments work best with Google Chrome and newer versions of Firefox. Please try other browsers if your comments aren’t showing up. In the meantime, I’m working to resolve the problem.

Thanks.
Troy

Is Absolute Thinking Stressing You Out & Killing Your Creativity?

“An absolute thought slams the door on creativity.” –Troy P. Roache

Sometimes Taking the Middle Approach is the Less Stressful and the Most Creative. 

For years I believed moderate thinking equaled a weak stance or being just a bit too wishy-washy. I thought in terms of “right or wrong”, “yes or no”, “white or black” and “all-or-nothing”. It was like I had been programed in binary code.

My studies in personal development and spirituality has since softened my personality, however. And happily! Now, I get more done and in a healthier way.

Those with an absolute mindset (I call them Absoluters) tend to be far too hard on themselves—and those around them. They see the world through the limited lens of extreme attitudes and opinions that excludes a near infinite range of possibilities, solutions and viewpoints. Its pure creative suicide, plain and simple.

Still, there are many people who actually believe that this way of thinking is useful and healthy. They argue that such thinking promotes decisiveness, speed, success and even self-esteem. “Make a decision, defend it at all costs and don’t let anyone change your mind.” These Absoluters see it as punching through all the useless stuff, getting them right to the meat of an issue—kind of like trimming the proverbial fat. The problem is that a lot more than fat gets cut away in the process—namely creativity.

Creativity basically ends for the Absoluter with the initial idea or decision. It has nowhere to grow because it is never given the opportunity to do so.

Absoluters tend to be stubborn and rigid. They may even look down upon and criticize those who use a moderate approach.

Just because you are among those who tend to take the middle road, (we’ll call them Middlewayers) you shouldn’t be labeled as a pushover; somebody whose mind can be changed by the faintest breeze. Just the opposite, in fact.

Middlewayers understand the creative process is just that—a process. It evolves and changes as new information is collected and assessed. They are open to exciting new possibilities, even if those revelations contradict the ideas that came before it. Here, creativity is allowed to thrive and grow in unexpected ways.

There is little resistance or stress in this way of thinking because a Middlewayer feels no need to defend anything. They have faith in the creative process. They allow intuition, inspiration and brainstorming to shape the work.

Here are five ways how absolute thinking negatively impacts us:

Absolute Thinking Sets Us Up for Failure

1) It opens us up to defeat.

An Absoluter has a difficult time seeing anything in degrees. When something goes wrong he is quick to toss the whole project out, seeing it as flawed. “This doesn’t work!” “It’s stupid!” “What a terrible idea.” When in reality it may be a perfectly good idea that is merely in the early stages of development.

2) It opens us up to self-criticism.

If something isn’t working, an Absoluter will often turn inward, blaming herself for the failure. “I’m stupid.” “I’m not smart enough.” “What was I thinking? I can’t do this.” This most certainly ends the project as she surrenders to her imagined limitations and shortcomings.

3) It causes pain.

Absolute thinking causes pain and suffering for those people who engage in an all-or-nothing attitudes because the person is often confronted with ideas and concepts that counter his beliefs, which threatens his view and imagined security.

Absolute Thinking Causes Us to Misdirect Blame

4) It causes us to misdirect blame.

The Absoluter not only blames the project and himself, but also everybody around him. It’s like he has backed himself into a corner by his own rigidity and when something doesn’t work out, he is threatened comes out swinging.

5) It narrows and limits us.

If we only see one (absolute) solution to a creative problem, we close the doors to all the amazing possibilities just waiting to be discovered. Had Thomas Edison taken an absolute approach and quit after his first failed attempt to invent the light bulb you might be reading this article by candlelight. In fact, it is said that it took Edison 1000 attempts to create a working light bulb. When asked by a reporter how he felt about failing 1000 times before getting it right, Edison allegedly said, “I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb.”

6) It makes us inflexible.

Absolute thinking is inflexible thinking—inflexible things break at the first sign of problems or resistance. The ancient Tao says: “The soft shall overcome the hard.” The palm tree bends with the wind. It does not try to stand against it in a show of strength, but bows—as if in subjection. As a result it weathers the storm. Likewise, any creative endeavor can’t survive the creative process if it is too rigid.

So if I’ve convinced you that absolute thinking is one big creative block, waiting to happen, what can you do if this is how you think?

Do what I did—change.

Start becoming more aware of your thinking. Is it inflexible? Limited? Does it include or exclude? What is the tone? Does it take an all-or-nothing kind of approach? Is it blaming or critical? Is it extreme in anyway?

Then make small changes to bring your thinking more to the middle road.

Try taking somebody else’s opinion. Instead of deciding “this or that”, try “this”, “that” and “the other thing”.

Don’t see failure as a negative. It is simply part of the ongoing creative process which you are a part of.

Don’t immediately criticize yourself, others or the idea when something doesn’t work.

And lastly: be open.

Try it. Every small change you make will open the door to happiness and creativity a little wider.

Thanks for visiting.  Why not come up with three ways to take a more flexible and creative approach to life? Try them out tomorrow. Let me know how it works out for you.

How to Recognize Your Inner Critic

I’ve always been my worst critic.

As a recovering perfectionist, self-doubt and the compulsion to revise unnecessarily was a crippling problem. For me, my work had to be perfect and my inner critic had no qualms about letting me know when it wasn’t.

We all have that inner voice offering up criticism, whether we want it or not.

The good news is that this voice can be quieted by the more useful and beneficial voice of reason. When the voice of reason is allowed to shine we get helpful critiques that improve our work and let us grow and evolve as artists and creators—instead of being subjected to all those useless and damaging criticisms.

Ironically, the inner critic’s voice is the one we listen to most often. This is because we are conditioned to expect the worst of situations and of ourselves—primarily as a protection mechanism. We don’t want to get hurt, or disappointed. And the inner critic works overtime pointing out our perceived limitations to make sure we don’t wander into dangerous territory.

In a way, even though there are two separate voices at play here, it’s really only our internal dialogue oscillating between the positive and the negative.

Our internal dialogue is kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: helpful and comforting one minute, critical and hurtful the next.

So it is vitally important to know which voice is speaking. Jekyll or Hyde? How can we tell the difference?

Let’s look at the Hyde Voice—the Inner Critic

1) This Voice is Overly Critical

The Hyde voice speaks in a very absolute, black and white, kind of way. It says things like: “That sucks!” “It’s all wrong!” “It’s boring.” It makes sweeping, all-or-nothing criticisms.

 2) This Voice Gets Personal

Criticisms escalate and migrate into personal attacks. No longer about the work, the voice starts to target you, the person. “I suck!” “I don’t have an ounce of talent.” “I’ll never make it.” “Quit.” Sound familiar? The creatively inclined can be very hard on ourselves. We often measure our self-worth by our abilities and accomplishments. When, in reality, one has nothing to do with the other.

3) This Voice is Unhelpful

The Hyde voice just spits out its bile without ever suggesting any improvements, fixes or solutions. It goes on like a broken record saying the same things over and over. And still, we listen and take these things to heart.

4) This Voice is Unreliable

It lies—plain and simple. Most of what this voice says are fabricated, made-up stories. Untrue. The work is never all bad. Nothing completely sucks. And your worth has nothing to do with whether or not you reach your creative goals.
It exaggerates our failures, embarrassments and flaws. It remembers all the hurtful comments and remarks we’ve heard others say about us. It tries to trick us into believing that the mistakes of the past are stuck to us like glue holding us down. When the truth is that our successes are built on top of those mistakes. With every blunder we learn, grow and climb higher. Be careful of the Hyde voice—it’s tricky and dangerous.

5) This Voice Tries to Limit You

It’s only focus is what can’t be done, how it won’t work, and that you’re not good enough to succeed. It desperately tries to convince you that there are limits to your creative potential. That somehow you have reached the farthest limit of what and who you can be. But, we never stop growing, evolving and creating. In this way, we are unlimited. We are only limited by our beliefs.

Now let’s look at the Jekyll voice—the Voice of Reason.

 1) This Voice is Not Critical

The Jekyll voice speaks in a very flexible, supportive way. Yes, it will still point out potential problems but only with your best interests in mind. It says things like: “Okay. That could be better. How can I make improvements?” “I know I can do better work, than that. What did I do wrong?” “It’s close, but something is missing…I wonder what would happen if I made this change?” It prompts you to look for solutions.

2) This Voice is Personal

Jekyll’s voice relates to you personally. Its tone is one of understanding. It doesn’t point the finger. It is almost soothing. “I know I can do this.”

3) This Voice is Helpful

It offers solutions and helps us develop plans to overcome problems and to learn from them. It rallies all the known resources and applies them in a calm and helpful way with the goal of solving the problem creatively.

4) This Voice is Reliable

It always speaks the truth. If a project isn’t working, it says so, but it reasons why and doesn’t put any unnecessary blame on the person. We all have bad ideas. It doesn’t make us talentless or unsuccessful.
Nor does the Jekyll voice try to make excuses why something isn’t working or have us buy into untrue stories about who we really are. If something isn’t working, that’s okay. But the Jekyll voice won’t make it all your fault or lay unnecessary blame.

5) The Voice Helps You to Expand

The voice of reason only wishes you to understand one thing: you have no limits. There are only choices—choices of what you wish to do and those you do not.
Both voices are struggling to be heard over the other. The one we pay attention to the most is the one that will become the dominate motivator in our lives and creative pursuits.

So, in the end, it comes down to which voice we choose to give our attention to: Hyde’s or Jekyll’s?