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The Prickly Side of Spirituality & Joy

“Every rose has its thorn.” 

-Bret Michaels

There is a common belief that spirituality and personal development should always make us feel great, on point, and in tune. So much so, that when this doesn’t happen, would-be soul-searchers run for the hills; seeking refuge in the most convenient distraction the ego can offer up.

It’s no wonder that popular spirituality teachings often lead with sentiments like: “if it doesn’t make you feel good, you’re doing wrong” or “follow your bliss” or “fake it until you make it”. And even though there isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with these statements, they can be misleading if misinterpreted. (Like most spiritual concepts).

The first way that we get confused is by forgetting that spirituality and Joy are one in the same.

The second is not appreciating that Joy, like spirituality, can be complicated.

Joy is the result of a trained mind. It cannot be instantly manufactured with positive thinking alone or fancies of the mind. Happiness can… maybe, but Joy is a more profound state. It is a constant. From Joy we weather the most severe storm, appreciate the darkest moments and see possibilities and light where none currently exist. 

Joy is forged, shaped and created in the fires of discomfort, disappointment and failure. Joy can only be seen in pain’s reflection. Ultimately, this is how we grow spiritually—by working through the rough times. The operative word here is “work”.     

We may wish that Joy can be fast-tracked or manufactured with so-called positive feelings, but shortcuts never work in personal development.

Growth is hard.

This is where things get prickly.

For years, I adhered to mainstream spiritual concepts promoting easy, carefree approaches. But these approaches tend to be basic. Some people refer to these methods as “Sandbox Spirituality”.  

The experienced practitioner understands that we can’t reach Joy and bliss with just a snap of a finger. It’s simply not that easy.

The spiritual shortcut approach often focuses on ritual: visualization, affirmations, gratitude journals, reciting prayers or other mantras.  Unfortunately, these actions can easily become rote and lose their benefit, as we enter a state of unawareness and cease to appreciate the moment. When this happens, these practices lose their power to create change and growth.  

Please don’t misinterpret my meaning—all of the above practices can be and are powerful tools to get the ball rolling, but they are only keys to the subconscious—the underbelly of the beast, if you will. If you wish to see real growth and expansion you must push the sword in deep and get to the heart of the matter.  

A pivotal moment in my own practice happened when a dear friend and mentor taught me that spirituality is not supposed to be shiny and clean or even easy. Nor does it have to make sense. And rarely does. It is the “rough edges” as he called it—the dirt and the pain where the real growth happens.

You see, I’ve always liked things to be in neat and tidy little boxes—ordered and explained, even my spiritual practices. I believed that I should be able to break down the fundamentally unexplainable into explainable bits—assign process and method and Bob’s your uncle.

But spirituality, as much as I would have preferred, is not a prescribed, one-size-fits-all program or a “one-plus-one-equals-two” kind of thing. It’s more like “one plus one equals banana”. And that’s only today. Tomorrow it might equal something totally different. It gets confusing, hard and painful.

And it is here where people have their first knee-jerk and pull back from the prickly bits, hoping to sidestep the pain and frustration. Sadly, some of us never move beyond this point, choosing instead to stay well within the boundary of our established lives as we know them to be.

As we push against the status quo, we meet the leading edge of our comfort zone. This barrier is rough and sharp. It feels dangerous. The ego tells us to retreat: “Here there be dragons!”.  

But it is just over this barrier where Joy and growth reside. Yes, it is rough, ragged even. We might skin our knee along the way, but it is the price that must be paid to earn Joy.

And yes, we must earn Joy—it’s hard earned.

Earned through pain and discomfort.

This scares most responsible people—and understandably so. No wonder we tend to seek out the easier, softer, approach. But this path can never teach us anything. There can be no growth here, because “easy” resides inside our current comfort zone—our happy place. So, we “sell out” to happiness, and forgo any chance at Joy. But without growth there can be no joy.  

Growth = Joy. 

What’s so wrong with taking the easy path if it makes you happy?

Nothing. Provided you understand the difference between happiness and Joy and you know what you want.

With the easy path, everything seems great, at first. The ego is fed a steady diet of feel-good comfort food and as a result we experience an ebb and flow of happiness as we continue to seek out those things that give us instant pleasure. As such, our lives feel comfortable and safe.

Here’s the rub.

This is temporary. We can’t actually grow from this place. And when growth doesn’t happen, we are inexplicably left feeling unfulfilled and disconnected. We become depressed and empty—even while living a life that society says should make us “happy”.

Connection = Spirituality

Those who understand this enjoy a different vantage point. They see events in a unique light. They appreciate and deeply grasp statements such as “everything happens for a reason”, Our greatest teachers are born from our deepest tragedies”, “embrace failure,” to name a few. Even death fails to have any significant impact. 

Pain is also redefined for these individuals. They see pain as necessary and even joyful—a natural process playing out in a beautiful way. These people tend to go with the flow, handling whatever the world throws at them. They savor the holiness of everything—warts and all.

These few individuals have done the hard work, either by choice or necessity, thus have been granted a higher level of resilience. When hardship happens, they have the skills to cope.

This is why individuals who are further along the spiritual path often appear callus or unfeeling. They possess a higher level of resilience and are not affected by the events around them in the same way as most people are.

Your ability to respond to adversity is directly related to your level of resilience which informs your position on the journey. Those starting out on the journey have not yet adjusted to the prickly parts of spirituality and it is unfair, if not cruel, to expect them to see the bigger picture.

So, what can you do if you are not quite there yet? How can you begin to appreciate that it is the prickles, the rough edges, the dirt, the pain where your Joy resides?  

  1. Understand that spirituality is a process, and that process is different for everyone. 
  2. Understand that spirituality is painful by nature. It is designed to force us to grow—to step outside our comfort zones.
  3. Understand that there is no quick fix or short cut to true spiritual appreciation and growth.
  4. It takes time and perspective to build spiritual resilience.
  5. Appreciate where you are in the moment—stay aware of your current place in time.   

Take a moment today and think about how you see your life. Do you appreciate the prickly bits? Do you see value in them?

If you don’t, might I suggest you meditate on what your life could look like (and who you could be) if you did.

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Your Hero’s Journey

Of late I have been studying Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero’s Journey” for two reasons. One: as a story-telling device, the Hero’s Journey is a remarkable template for exploring the human experience—one that never fails to strike an emotional chord with readers, and secondly, if not more importantly: as a personal development tool.

The Hero’s Journey is a truly fascinating work, compiling Campbell’s exhaustive research into Myth and human experience. His research spans all of written history and includes nearly every story-telling civilization in existence. 

During his exploration, Campbell found a common link within all our stories, regardless of race, location or time. He noticed that the stories we tell ourselves (our myths and parables) follow the same predictable pattern. In fact, this pattern is so consistent that key stages of the journey are always present and follow an ordered sequence.  

In fiction, the Hero’s Journey allows us to emotionally connect with a story in a very intrinsic way. From a personal development perspective, the Hero’s Journey is so relatable because it is built into the very essence of who we are as human beings.

We are all on the same journey; though our paths may be different. 

The human story is one of departure and return, exploration of self and our place in the world around us. In order to grow and to experience true happiness or bliss (as Campbell called it) one must be prepared to step outside the known world and enter the unknown. Our ability to grow and be rewarded is directly related to our willingness to be tested and challenged in the face of fear and uncertainty. 

Campbell said, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls”.

In fact, the only way to be happy is to answer the call to the adventure in our own lives. Sadly, so many of us never answer this call, making excuse after excuse until the way forward is lost. 

Interestingly, the refusal of the call in of itself is not a negative thing. It is a necessary first step. It tells us that our goal is just scary enough to be worth the journey. But to get it, we must leave the safe and ordinary world behind and enter the unknown.  

Nothing of true value comes without this initial first step. We must be prepared to cross the threshold and step into the darkest cave, to face ordeals, threats and our own self doubts in order to claim the reward.

As human beings we innately understand that our happiness depends upon accepting the journey and being the hero of our own story. Therefore, our most beloved stories are the ones that reflect this lesson.

Whether it is Luke in Star Wars, or Spiderman’s Peter Parker or Alice in Wonderland, they all wish to be more, but they never truly believe it is possible. They repeatedly refuse the call to action, until finally, no option is left but to step over into the unknown.  Once the call to action is answered, the path becomes clearer and a way is made.

We sympathize with these characters because they are us.    

Contained within this first step is the power to create the path, itself. And with each additional step we are initiated by mentors, unexpected assistance and the acquisition of new skills. We continue to grow until we are ready to tackle the final obstacle and claim the prize.

And having attained the prize, we are reborn and return to the ordinary world, in bliss; thereby enriching it.  

This cycle of Departure, Initiation and Return is a never-ending journey of self-discovery, joy and happiness. It is what gives life meaning and a reason for being.

The Hero’s Journey

What is your story? Maybe its time to tell yourself a new one and answer the call that you have been hearing your entire life?

Take the first step, and the way will be found.

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Change, Meaning & COVID-19

These are unique and difficult times. Our lives have been, quiet literally, halted–for how long, no one really knows. It’s a change so drastic that no reasonable person, given the chance to wave a magic wand, wouldn’t turn back the clock to when a trip out to grab a coffee, visit friends, travel or even see a movie was ordinary and benign.      

But the magic wand doesn’t exist and this new normal may be with us for a very long time.  

Change has been thrust upon us–like it or not.

So, we must change with the change and learn how to navigate our new path. To do this, it is vital that we pay close attention to this moment and explore the lessons it has for us as individuals and even the world.

The COVID–19 Pandemic has brought out the best of us and the worse. We have been selfless, present and giving.  But we have also fallen prey to fear, selfishness and missed opportunities to be kind.

It has turned the mirror back on us–the question is, do we like the reflection we see?  

And regardless of that reflection and whatever judgement we assign it, might I suggest that this moment in time offers us a unique and powerful opportunity–to see ourselves and our society in a new way–one that is imploring us to slow down, be more patient, more present?

Society has become rushed, distracted and addicted to convenience, all at the expense of our physical, mental and spiritual well-being.      

We have lost ourselves in this constant need to distract ourselves.

For everything else that it has wrought, the pandemic has also given us an opportunity to experience our world anew and to find ourselves again. To get to know who we really are–perhaps for the very first time.

It is through this new knowing that we may come to truly understand ourselves and if we have been living a life worthy of the amazing creations we are.

When the worse of this is over and we gladly retreat back into our lives as they once were, I am afraid we will have missed the greatest opportunity this generation has ever known to experience true growth. If this happens–then what was the point? What did it mean?

And yes, you might say that the COVID Pandemic didn’t mean anything—that it was just something that happened.  But, as with everything, the events of our lives only have the meaning we assign them. The lessons we learn are those we choose to learn and the steps we take toward change and growth are those we consciously make—one foot at a time.

The greater the change, the greater the opportunity for growth.

So, I choose to seek meaning and purpose in all this–to learn and to grow. 

For the last 50 years, many of the things I wanted to do were often put on the backburner. Set aside for a more convenient time, a better time, an easier time, the “right” time; allowing distraction and simple procrastination dictate my focus and attention. “I’ll start tomorrow”, or “It can wait”, or “I’ll have plenty of time later” had become my secret affirmations. 

But what all this has taught me—finally, is that we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And as I have taught for so many years (but rarely lived), the present moment is all we have. This moment.

So, are you paying attention to this very unique moment in time? What is it teaching you about your life and how you have lived it?   Allow yourself the gift to explore this question–free from distraction. Allow this new imposed stillness to serve you. Let it speak to you. And from that deep quiet of the soul, perhaps something good can come from all of this, after all.   

Finishing Fear: How to get to THE END.

Some writers say the hardest part of the writing process is starting, but I’m not so sure. Yes, “starting” can be challenging for sure, but once you get over this first hurdle, it’s usually a profoundly powerful experience—one punctuated by a burst of inspired momentum that can last for hours. A while back I wrote about this idea in a piece called: “A Breakthrough Cure for Writer’s Block”. Please check it out when you get the chance.

But, today I want to talk about finishing that novel or story of yours because that’s what’s been giving me the greatest problem lately.

It seems that no matter how well my writing is going, whether it’s the final line of my novel or the remaining paragraphs of a chapter, I find myself putting on the proverbial brakes right before the end. It’s become a bad habit.

But why? What’s so hard about finishing? After-all, you would think that a writer would want to bring his story and characters to a satisfying conclusion? Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Now, I’m sure I just heard somebody out there say, “No way! It’s about the journey, not the destination”. “Art for art sake” and all that. And I’m not disagreeing—completely. To write well a writer has to be engaged, inspired and involved totally in “the process” of writing, writing without expectation, or without any worries about how it might, or might not, turn out. But let’s face it, if you never finish a story what do you really have? What was it all for?

Growing up, my friends and I would often go swimming off the Government Wharf in my home town. There was really only one way to get in—which was take a running leap off the end and dive head-first into the icy water. Depending on the tide, the dive could be a good ten to twelve feet high and there would always be somebody who would run the length of the wharf only to pull up short right at the edge. Everybody else would be jumping in and having fun. The fear of finishing your story is much the same thing. What’s the point if you never finish—if you never take that last, satisfying jump?

If you always get stalled at the ending you will never deliver a finished story, at worse. At best, your productivity is going to take a serious butt-kicking.

So, what’s the solution? Up until last week, I was sitting stalled at the 80,000 word mark of my 83,000 word novel. Had I suddenly run out of creative energy? Did all the words in the dictionary dry up? Did my Muse take an unscheduled European vacation? I doubt it. Then, what was the deal?

After a fair bit of soul searching and a pinch of honesty, I figured out the problem. I was afraid to finish my novel. I’m not talking about a kind of fear that had me breaking out into sweats or one that was keeping me up at nights—no, this was far more subtle. It was almost insidious. So much so that I wasn’t even aware there was a problem. But, once I became more aware how I was feeling–that there might be something wrong, I started to look for symptoms.

Here’s the three things that kept cropping up for me.

1) U-turning
I was turning about-face, near the end of story to reread, rewrite, or revise instead of simply crossing the finish line.

2) Extreme Perfectionism
I started to blame those “weak areas” in my story. The ones that were obviously affecting my ability to bring the story to a close. If I could just make them all “just right” the ending would magically fall into place, I told myself. So instead of finishing the final chapter, I reworked those tiny things that truly had no bearing on the ending. All the while, my novel remained incomplete.

3) Excessive Procrastination
I became incredibly susceptible to distraction. Any notion that popped into my head seemed a reasonable excuse for not finishing my novel. I told myself that I would finish it “tomorrow”. That this would be a good place to “bookmark”. Maybe a little extra research (surfing the net, checking Twitter or Facebook) would be helpful? Undone chores suddenly became a priority. Inexplicably, I felt that if I didn’t rearrange the spice cabinet immediately terrible consequences would transpire.

When I really stopped to take a good look at what I was doing I realized I needed to address this stuff—and fast. It took a bit of effort but I figured out a few things that really helped me push to the end.

They were surprising simple tricks that any writer can use. Here they are…

1) Be Conscious
When you find yourself getting close to the end of the story take a minute to reinforce your desire to finish. Be aware of any sudden urges to take a break, or backtrack. Then ask yourself if either is really necessary right now, in this moment.

2) Jump to the End
If you feel any hesitation, take drastic action and jump right to the last line, the last paragraph or even the last page and then work backwards. In goal setting, we are often taught to “think from the end”. Why not write from the end? Skip right over all the bull and stuff and cut right to the meat.

3) Take a Neutral Approach
Try writing free of any per-determined outcome or ending—either positive or negative. Don’t worry what the ending is going to look like or how good it is going to come off. Just write, one word after the other until you reach the end. Set aside your opinions of how the writing should be going, or how fast.

4) Be Courageous
You’ve worked really hard to get this far in your story. You’ve overcome plot problems, crazy dialogue, tired clichés, sleepless nights and maybe even the occasional caffeine overdose only to quit now? I don’t think so! This is your story—beginning, middle and end.

5) Think like Your Hero
What would your hero do at the cusp of attaining the goal? Would he go for it with all
his might, or would he go have a coffee? Maybe cut the grass? No way! When the
goal is in sight, the hero always goes for it! And so should you.

Finishing anything is a big deal—it’s not always easy—believe me, I know. Writing is no different. No wonder it almost always comes with fear. But, the ability to recognize that fear and move pass it is what separates the writers with finished, readable stories from those who only wish they could.

Did I miss something? How do you push to the end? What tricks have you learned to finish that published and award-winning novel? I’d love to hear your views. So please drop me a line or two. Til next time, back to writing!

Troy

A Breakthrough Cure for Writer’s Block

New or experienced, amateur or professional—all writers get blocked. It not only slows productivity and kills deadlines but it can also squash our sense of self-worth, sending even the best writer into a tail-spin of fear and doubt. At its worst, it can end a writer’s career before it starts.

No wonder we hate it so much! But what if we have the wrong idea about writer’s block? What if it’s not some dreaded disease that targets unsuspecting scribes as they stare hopelessly into their blank computer screens? What if it is something totally different?

What if writer’s block is necessary, inevitable and vital to the creative process? What then? Well, with just a slight shift of perspective, we might start seeing it as the cure to stalled creativity instead of the cause.

And before you get the idea that this post is just another one of those “positive thinking” articles that tries to get you to see the glass as “half full”—think again.

We are actually going to explore what writer’s block is, what is actually happening when we hit these creative walls, and how NOT to be defeated by them. Then, I’m going to tell you how to use writer’s block to supercharge your writing.

First you have to understand one simple rule:

You cannot create anything that exists outside your current field of reality. That includes your writing.

Now, stay with me. This is powerful stuff and it’s far more practical than it sounds.

You might think that such a rule would have a limiting effect. After all, it’s not like you can change reality, but you can expand your reality to include your writing goals.

You might have writer’s block right now. That next line, paragraph or chapter might seem well out of reach, but it doesn’t have to stay that way—especially if you use the power of writer’s block against itself.

This has changed the way I write, decreased my stress, reduced my self-doubt and dramatically increased my productivity. It has been, in a word, empowering.

The great part is that it’s so simple!

Nowadays, I kind of look forward to getting blocked because I know it’s a signal that a breakthrough is just around the corner.

Before we go any further let’s go back to the above rule for a minute and have a closer look at what “your current field of reality” means and it how relates to what we are talking about.

Essentially, your reality is your belief system—all the things you believe are possible for you. Your belief system develops over time through your experiences, education and other information gathered—including your beliefs about your writing.

Anything you have experience and confidence in doing, is a part of your belief system because you have already done it.

Writers face a unique challenge. Every time we begin a new piece, a blog post, story or book it represents a completely new landscape. Yes, we may have written a post or story before, but we have not yet written this one.

By its very nature a new piece of writing is new. We have yet to build it into our current reality. So logically, we will not be able to write the piece until it is within our belief system.

So we hit the inevitable wall, (writer’s block) which represents the leading edge of our current belief system. This will be the farthest we can go at that moment.

Unfortunately, it is here where many people quit, thinking that they can’t do it—that the thing they are trying write is impossible—at least for them.

The truth of the situation is that they have simply hit the outer edge of their belief system—the boundaries of their current reality.

Here’s the cool part: That outer edge, that boundary is not fixed. It’s constantly expanding, pushed out ever further by our ongoing creative energy (our experiences, knowledge, accomplishments and even our failures).

But, because we are always positioned at the leading edge of our reality, we have to allow some time to pass to let that energy “catch-up”. This is creative growth—this is where people break through the boundary and have a “breakthrough”.

Picture it this way:

Imagine you are floating downstream in a river. The surrounding water represents your current belief system (the reality of what you believe you can write). Within that flow of water resides all your current creative energy, made up of your past and present writing experiences, the successes and the failures.

That energy moves along with you and allows you to accomplish your writing benchmarks and goals. Since those benchmarks and goals are within the water flowing immediately about you, you will have no trouble reaching them—they may even seem easy.

But, just up ahead there is a dam. The dam represents the outer limit of your reality, everything before the dam resides within your current beliefs regarding what you can (or can’t) write. When your creative energy hits the dam (the outer boundary of your reality) it’s blocked. That’s writer’s block.

But it will only be held back for a short time. As the creative energy builds behind the dam it will eventually spill over, creating a new boundary—a new reality of what is possible for you.

If you go away and give things a rest (take the break) whenever a block happens, you are allowing that energy to catch up and overflow past the problem. When you come back to the work, after a break, you will be amazed that the solution often presents itself.

That block which seemed very real just a short time ago is now gone. The solution to the problem is now a part of your reality.

Leonardo da Vinci once said: “Every once and a while, go away and take a relaxing break, and then when you come back to your work, your judgment will be better—because remaining constantly at work will hinder your power of judgment. Move some distance away, because then your work will appear smaller, and more of it can be taken in at a glance, and any lack of harmony or proportion… will be more effortlessly seen.”

The solution is to give yourself a break, and allow the creative energy to break through the block.

By walking away, and allowing yourself a break you actually open yourself up to a “breakthrough”.

I’ve broken it down into five steps…

1) Seek out new writing experiences and set new exciting writing goals. Try newer, bigger stuff. Be fearless.
2) Write. Write and write some more. This builds creative energy.
3) Anticipate writer’s block—it’s inevitable. Don’t fear it. Appreciate the block when it happens. It’s signaling a pending breakthrough.
4) Step away. Give the energy time to expand the reality of what you believe is possible for you and your writing. When you come back, you may very well find that the block is gone.
5) Repeat steps 1 through 4.

Do you agree that in order achieve our dreams and goals they must first be inside our belief system and that belief system is essentially our reality? I’d love to hear your opinions. Please leave me a comment. Thanks for dropping by.

Five Ways to Relieve the Pressure of Time & Be Happier

Lately, there never seems to be enough time. It feels more and more like I’m in a race (or even a struggle) against the clock. I have been putting an immense amount of pressure on myself to “get things done” whether it be my writing, my studying or preparing for my upcoming workshops.

The pressure of each passing moment keeps squeezing me tighter and tighter and I don’t always like the feelings that come out: stress, frustration, anxiety and even guilt are among them. Not so spiritual, right?

It’s an odd paradox. I work hard to become more spiritual, but sometimes the harder I work, the less spiritual I feel. Especially when I get wrapped up in issues around my time.

To be fair, I’ve never really seen time as an issue in my personal or spiritual development. But I recently got a comment on an article I published with Tiny Buddha. The article was all about expressing mastery through spirituality. The commenter mentioned (her) fear of wasting time and ultimately running out of time before she can reach her goals. There is a profound feeling of anxiousness or even guilt when we approach time in this way.

I certainly can relate. On my best days, I see time as that precious resource—a commodity to be used and spent in the pursuit of my goals. On my worse days, time is little more than an adversary—the villain that stands in the way of my dreams. It is something to be opposed, controlled or manipulated.

I’ll admit that neither outlook is very spiritual, productive or even healthy.

So let’s take a few minutes to look at the relationship between time, our goals and ourselves.

Interestingly, scientists can’t even find the thing we call “time”. Some have likened time to the flight of an arrow and the currents of a flowing river. Yet physics does not support a flowing model of time. In fact, it is likely that it doesn’t move at all. The math seems to suggest that time is merely an illusion, or if it does exist, nobody knows what it really is. So if time doesn’t exist, how can it have such a profound effect on us?

Perception.

Whether or not time exists and how it works is irrelevant to our daily lives. These questions are best left to the scientists. What is important is how we see time. Perception is key.

Here are five limiting perceptions about time and how we can counteract them:

1) “THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!”

How often do you find yourself saying these words? Quite a lot, I’ll bet. Listen to the undertone of this statement—this belief. It is filled with limitation and consequential anxiety. It’s normal to feel anxious when there’s a lot to do, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Action: Try looking at time in a different way. Resist the habit to see time as a commodity that you can use or spend in the pursuit of your goals. This perception only reinforces the idea that time is scarce. Time could likely be eternal, for all we know. So how can looking at time in a different way help someone get things done faster?
By changing your perception about a thing, you change how that thing effects you. If you believe that something is impossible—it most likely will be for you. But if you see something as achievable, you will be open to new ways that make it so. Likewise, if you see time as abundant, rather than scarce, it is far more likely that you will be less anxious about how much time you have. If you don’t waste time worrying about time, you might have more of it to work with. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change—including time.

2) “TIME IS MOVING TOO FAST!”

It does seem like the world is getting faster. The days slip into weeks and weeks into months. Everything and everybody appears to be in a rush. But again it only appears that way. If time truly doesn’t exist then there is no less of it than there was yesterday. So if our perception can speed up time, then our perception can slow it down too.
Action: When the hands on the clock seem like they are spinning out of control simply reset the clock. Take a step back, out of whatever imagined pace you are currently in, and take a breath. Don’t think about everything that has to get done, or that there isn’t enough time to finish it all. Just take a breath and focus on that. If that feels good—do it again. You will feel things slowing down all around you, almost instantly.

3) “I’M TOO SLOW!”

It is easy to start blaming yourself and to allow self-criticism to effect you. After-all, everybody else seems be able to keep up with time—right? One of the most counter-productive attitudes we can adopt is to compare ourselves to what others are doing and how fast they are doing it. We should move at our own pace, without judgement.
Action: Do one thing at a time, do it well and move on—without watching the clock. You’ll not only get more done, but you will do it with less anxiety, too. Try not to concern yourself with the pace of others.

4) “I’M WASTING WHAT LITTLE TIME I HAVE.”

This is a fear shared by many people. They worry that they are wasting the “little time they have”. They worry that by the time they figure things out it will be too late. They worry that they are squandering their time, doing less productive or useful things. Guilt turns these individuals into work-alcoholics, afraid to let up even for an instant for fear that time will run out.
Action: Stay present. Fearing that time will run out is something that exists outside the present moment. The present is where we draw our power. What are you doing right now? Be present with that. Accept it. Be with that. Don’t rush it or hurry it along, or fear that it might go away. Just be that moment—that eternal moment of pure power and creative potential.

5) “I HAVE TO STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT TO BE HAPPY”.

While I believe it is extremely important to stay present, aware and mindful, it’s even more important not to confuse the present moment with time. As you read this post, this moment feels real. It’s not a memory, or an imagined view of the future. It’s happening right now. But, that small slice of time you just identified as the PRESENT MOMENT is already gone—slipped happily into what we call the past. So subconsciously, we set ourselves up for anxiety as we grasp for the ungraspable–a moment in time.
Action: Reconsider how you see the present moment. It can not be attached to the minutes, seconds and milliseconds of our lives. The present moment is more about a state of being. It’s about appreciation and knowing. It is about connecting to what is—whenever that is.

Why We Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Fear & Doubt

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear. It has been called “dream killer”, “toxic” and my personal favorite: “spiritual poison”. Without question, fear (and its accomplice doubt) can seem pretty nasty. At least, at first glance. But are they—really?

Before I go any further I’d like to clarify the kind of fear I’m discussing here.

I’m not talking about what you feel when that huge, angry dog jumps out from behind a corner. Obviously, this physical fear response is necessary. If we didn’t listen to it, we might just end up as Kibbles ‘n Bits. This kind of fear is a good thing, without question.

What I’m talking about is the deep-down feeling that whispers in your ear. It seems to say things like: “It won’t work”, “You’re not good enough” or it simply tells us to give up. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all heard the voices of Fear and Doubt. It works at a spiritual level.

It’s easy to see why Fear and Doubt gets so much bad press, especially from the self-help movement. Personal development coaches and spiritual gurus worldwide regularly take pot-shots at this misunderstood duo. They write books on conquering fear and squashing doubt, put on “fear-busting” workshops and regularly blog about Fear and Doubt’s dangers. Myself included.

I suppose you really can’t blame us, after-all Fear and Doubt can be so—well, scary.

In fact, if I were to write a fictional story personifying Fear and Doubt, they’d seem like the obvious choice for the villains. They are mysterious. They only come out during our darkest and lowest points. And we call them “FEAR” and “DOUBT” for pity’s sake! To be honest, from this perspective, they do kind of seem indefensible.

But to paint anything with one brush stroke is unfair and a bit cliché. I think clichés rarely speak truth. They are usually bias, superficial and pulled from ignorance and prejudice. And as I just learned from the Guardian’s of the Galaxy movie: “Nobody is a 100% a-hole.”

No, spiritual fear must have a purpose. It must be trying to tell us something.

Think about it. If our physical fear response is an inbuilt safety mechanism that protects us from physical danger, then is it so hard to accept that our spiritual fear response mechanism is any less noble?

Let’s imagine that we have Fear and Doubt all wrong. What if, instead of being the villains of the story—they are the unsung heroes?

Yah right! The things that crush our dreams and aspirations are actually here to help us. Sure they are…

For the next minute or so, I invite you to open you mind to the possibility that Fear and Doubt might not be so bad, after all.

So if Fear and Doubt are not the villains of the story, what are they?

They are Lighthouse Keepers

Fear and Doubt tirelessly watch for when we go off course. From a spiritual or personal development point-of-view, going off course means stepping outside the present moment.
They keep a constant vigil, warning us of when we are straying into dangerous territory by casting their guiding light.

They do this with subtle warnings—at first. We may get an “uneasy feeling” or “feel off”. These are the disquieting messages we hear—the whispers of doubt.

We only hear these messages when the rocks are nearby.

The problem is not the message, the problem is our misinterpretation of the message. All too often we fail to see the true purpose of Fear and Doubt, which is to guide us back on course and into the present moment and realign us with our unlimited potential.

We tend to turtle and end up quitting instead of simply making that needed adjustment, that simple course correction.

They are Loyal and Steadfast Companions

If we don’t heed those first, subtle warnings the gentle nudges become harder knocks and more difficult to ignore. And you can count on Fear and Doubt to send up the alarm as loud as needed to get your attention.

There is a story out of the States about a man whose house was burning down as he slept. His dog barked and barked, trying to warn its master, but the man ignored the dog. Finally, the dog bit the man. The man awoke to find his house on fire. Both the man and his dog escaped the blaze.

Fear and Doubt work much in the same way. They are our loyal companions—inborn spiritual mechanisms designed to guide and protect us, no matter what.

A spiritual bite might look like repeated problems, set-backs and failures. It feels like we just can’t catch a break. We may start to get down on ourselves and question if it’s worth the effort. We doubt if our goals and dreams will ever materialize.

This is a critical point. A misinterpretation of the message here can cause a person to quit and crumble. But remember, it’s not Fear and Doubts’ message that is causing the strain, it is the misalignment with your own unlimited potential and the present moment that is causing Fear and Doubt to “bite” you.

They Just Might Be Our Guardian Angels

If we manage to ignore the gentle nudges and even the bites, Fear and Doubt will bring out the “big guns”.

This happens only after we have become so wrapped up in our own drama and have gone so far off course that everything seems threatened. We can no longer even see the goal and our very life’s purpose appears lost.

This is what we sometimes call “hitting spiritual rock bottom”. It is our most dangerous and vulnerable spiritual point.

We are standing at the edge of the cliff, only we are so blinded and lost that we don’t even know that we have a choice to step back. Panic is now running the show. Fear and Doubt need to get our attention and they need to do it quickly.

So it only makes sense that Fear and Doubt will be the loudest here. At this point, they start to look a little like guardian angels. This is our darkest hour and yet loyal Fear and Doubt have not forsaken you. They will do everything they can to get you back on course and into the light.

So Fear and Doubt, as a last resort, will offer up a spiritual slap in the face. A loud and clear message to wake up — or else. This may look and feel like a crisis of faith in yourself and your dreams.

It is here where we make or break it. Either we listen to the message and pull back into the present moment and once again focus completely and wholly on the things we want—or we don’t. Misinterpretations of Fear and Doubt’s messages at this juncture can be catastrophic.

Fear and Doubt always remind us that our lives are about choices. We can either focus on what we want (our unlimited potential that exists within the present moment) or we can focus on what we don’t want (the fear of not reaching that potential).

If you have a dream, then stay present with that dream. Don’t regret the failures of the past or worry about what might happen in the future. Fear and Doubt is only trying to help us to stay present, aligned and in tune.

The fear we feel isn’t meant to tell us that we can’t do a thing, that’s its impossible. It is intended to remind us of our unlimited potential.

From now on, try using Fear and Doubt in a new way. See them as the helpful guides and the loyal companions they are.

It kind of gives a whole new meaning to the saying, “Don’t shoot the messenger”, doesn’t it?

Thanks for visiting. If you liked this post feel free to explore my other posts and please leave me a comment. I love hearing from my readers. And you are still able to get a free copy of My Happy Workplace, by signing up for my newsletter.

Personal Development: Step Zero

I’ve written a lot about the difficulties involved in personal development, goal setting and self-improvement. It’s no great secret that going after (and getting) what you want isn’t easy. It seems one day you’re up—the next day you’re on your face.

These emotional roller-coaster rides are rarely highlighted on the dust jackets of self-improvement books. Much of the popular literature on the subject seems just a bit too easy. It’s a “do this—get this” kind of approach. The information is delivered in a very linear way, without taking to account all the side-roads, potholes, and down-right washouts that can happen during the process. The up and downs on the road to self-improvement can be rough, no matter the goal: whether you are working towards a healthier lifestyle, financial freedom, enlightenment or maybe even becoming a professional author.

Sadly, it’s never the difficulty of the goal that causes us to ultimately fail, but it’s these bumpy patches along the way that prove to be the undoing of many a dream-seeker. This is because these setbacks are:

1) Unexpected.
2) Disappointing.
3) Exhausting—emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Let’s face it, we are always going to have setbacks. But they do us in because we simply aren’t ready for them—most of the time. And that’s because we haven’t properly prepared ourselves in advance. And to prepare ourselves we have to start out on the right step.

Step Zero

I’ve always thought that I knew what this first step was. After all I’ve been studying, teaching and writing about personal development for a few years now. I’ve taught in my workshops and written that the first step in goal-setting is making a choice—a real choice. A choice that declares: “It’s time I made a serious change in my life and go for what I want.”

I’ve always seen this all-important choice as the spark that ignites purpose—a new direction.

But the other day, a co-worker and I were discussing some challenges she was having with the lessons in my book: My Happy Workplace. I happened to mention that the first step is all about making that choice to change your life for the better. “You have to want change,” I said.

She looked at me and said, “I don’t think that’s right—at least not for me. For me, it’s more about believing I can make that change, that I have what it takes, that I can do it. And ultimately, believing that I’m worthy.”

This floored me! I had always assumed that belief developed throughout the process of going after what I wanted—little acts of faith leading to small successes which in turn build up the belief system. I saw it as part of the ongoing process, not the beginning.

But what my friend had told me was fundamentally different. Without believing in herself, she couldn’t even get out of the gate.

I took the next few days to think about what she had said. Afterwards, I was left with an interesting question: What comes first—the belief you can make a choice or choosing to believe?

I finally came to the conclusion that if a person doesn’t believe in himself, his abilities and his worthiness to reach his goals he can never take the first step.
Then a problem occurred to me. True belief can’t be faked or forced. It has to be felt—known. Belief grows out of experience. You just can’t choose to believe something. To believe something, you must experience it, have conscious contact with it. Otherwise it is always going to be tainted with doubt.

So if you can’t make a choice without belief and you need to choose to believe—it’s a classic stalemate, right?

Not necessarily.

The key is working yourself up to it—slowly.

Think of it this way: A sprinter doesn’t just walk up to the starting line and jump right into the race without preparing herself. She warms up, stretches, and gets settled into position.
We have to do the same thing in goal setting. Before we even begin the process of going after those big shiny goals of ours, we have to prepare.

We have to get our house in order. Our ducks in a row. Our stars aligned…well, you get the picture. It’s like we are conditioning ourselves not physically (as an athlete does) but spiritually. It’s an internal process of self-discovery, acceptance and mindfulness–one that gets us to the starting line.

So how do we prepare ourselves spiritually?

  1) Start where you are right now—leave behind whatever past baggage has been holding you back. Accept that you are perfectly positioned in the here and now to begin a new life.

  2) Understand that you don’t have to do everything all at once. Break the process down into smaller more manageable bits.

  3) Expect road bumps and setbacks. They are part of the process and have nothing to do with your worthiness to receive your goal. Problems and failures are teachers, treat them as such.

 4) Give yourself permission to make a mistake now and then—for goodness sake. Nobody is perfect—and that’s okay. Your mistakes and setbacks do not define you.

 5) Recognize that time is not a factor. There are no deadlines, no schedules other than the ones you impose upon yourself. There is no score keeper—except you. Things will happen as they happen.

6) Lastly, accept that you are worthy of your goals. The very fact that you desire a goal indicates that you have the power to achieve it. The desire wouldn’t be there otherwise. Goal setting is like casting a tow-line into the future—where you have already achieved the goal. All you need to do is allow that desire to pull you into that future.

Consider the above work as prerequisites to transform your outlook and opinion of yourself to the point where you are ready to take that first step and become a person capable of making a choice to go after the life you want, knowing that it is yours.

Thanks for visiting. If you liked what you read, please leave me a comment. To get updates on my latest writing and events please subscribe to my newsletter. If you do subscribe, a free downloadable version of my book My Happy Workplace, will be waiting in your inbox as a gift from me—to express my gratitude.

Thanks again,

 Troy

Six Simple Ways to Find “Your Thing”

There seems to be no shortage of books, DVD’s, YouTube clips and tweets telling us exactly how to get what we want out of life. That’s great for those of us who already have a plan. But, what do you do if you don’t have a click or a clue of what you actually want in the first place?

At first rub, you might think you’re out of luck. Afterall, if you don’t even know what you want, do you really deserve to be successful? You bet your socks!

News flash! Most people don’t know what they want out of life. And that’s okay.

So how can you figure what you want to be?

This is the most important question you’ll ever ask yourself, so you might think it’s not going to be easy to answer. I bet you think you have to go on a spiritual journey—you know: the whole eat, pray, love thing? Or monk-it-up for a year or two? Maybe devote yourself to universal contemplation and meditation for forty days and forty night nights. Visit a psychic?

I suppose you could do any of the above, if you’re really into wasting time. But there is a better way.

All you need to do is to ask yourself six simple questions. They’re not too difficult and you won’t have to uproot your life to figure out that elusive raison d’ être of yours.

Ready? Here they are.

Question #1:

Ask yourself: What would you be doing if absoluetly nothing stood in your way?

Question #2:

If you knew whatever you tried could not fail—no matter what—what would you do?

Question #3:

Do you have something that you will not compromise on, give up or put off for anything else?

Question #4:

Does anything make you feel happy just by thinking about it?

Questtion #5:

Do you have that one thing that excites you more than anything else?

Question #6:

What is the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night?

That wasn’t so hard was it?

If you were able to answer any or all of the above questions—then that is your thing. Congrats!

And now that you know what you want to do, you can start leafing through that self-help book on how to make your dream come true.

And if you still weren’t able to come up with something—there’s always Nepal. 

But seriously, if you are still having trouble finding your purpose–that’s okay. These things can’t be rushed.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to stop looking and let your purpose find you. Be patient, it will come.

Thanks for visiting.  Let me know how this information worked for you.  Leave a comment or like me on Facebook.

Til next time…

Troy


Let Nature Be Your Guru

Whenever I’m feeling stressed, down or blocked I head straight for Nature. There’s something deeply spiritual about taking a quiet walk in the woods or listening to the birds at first light. The natural world sets my soul at ease in a way that nothing else can. It’s better than any self-help book or DVD—by far. So much so, that a few minutes of nature gives me more benefit than hours of spiritual study.

If you think about it, this makes sense. People have been turning to nature for spiritual guidance for thousands of years. In fact, before written language, nature was our only teacher. We looked to the stars, the world and the animals for instruction on how to live better lives. We had a deep connection to the natural world. We watched its patterns, its signs and even its moods. Then we lived in accordance with what we saw.

Getting back to nature is one the easiest and most enjoyable ways to reconnect with your spiritual self. And if you are willing to listen and watch, the life lessons are literally everywhere.

Yesterday I took an early morning bike ride on one of our woodland trails. It’s a wonderful spot. It has older-growth trees, wildlife, the Lahave River and a sense of the wilderness without being too isolated. Here’s what happened…

As I quietly rode the trail, I opened myself up to everything around me. It didn’t take long before the trees, the animals, the river, and even the trail itself was gently whispering secrets in my ear and reminding me of lessons I’d been neglecting of late.

First off, I paused for a minute or two to watch the river beside the trail gently flow by. Here and there, large rocks stuck out of the river. One particularly huge rock caught my eye and I studied the water as it quietly and without any effort at all, simply moved around it. As great a barrier the rock seemed to be, the water merely went around it—no fuss, no muss—as if it wasn’t even there.

In life we tend to place far too much attention and energy on perceived barriers. The more we focus on a barrier or a problem, the bigger it becomes. We fight and push against our problems, never getting any further ahead, when all we need to do is go around. And here I found the first lesson:

Don’t push against life’s barriers—go around them.

I rode on. My mind wondered for a moment and I started to think about an unexpected bill that was due. I thought about abundance, and imagined a day when my financial worries would be gone. As I peddled along the trail I noticed the thousands, no millions, of green leaves all around me. Every blade of grass, every leaf, every plant existing in profusion—and each and every one filtering the air and pumping out oxygen for me to breathe.

I glanced down at the trail, noticing the multitude of tiny pebbles covering the path. A year before, the trail had been uneven and difficult to ride. But now all these countless grains of sand worked together to provide me with a smooth and comfortable ride.

As I looked around, I suddenly became acutely aware and present to the fact that we live in an abundance universe. From the water in the river, to the leaves on the trees, to the sand beneath me—it is all offered up in abundance. The universe is one grand exercise in abundance.

I also realized in that moment that I was a part of that abundant universe. The only thing that separates me from financial abundance is my incorrect notion that I’m not a part of it. Abundance is always present, if we take proper notice.

I thought back to the rock in the river. If my financial barriers are like the rock and my natural abundance is like the river, all I need to do is go around the barriers instead of focusing on them.

And herein was the second lesson:

Accept that we live in an abundant universe.

Feeling more energized and in tune than I had in weeks I moved deeper into the woods. There I came upon a number of massive oak trees that had been downed in a storm the week before. They lay snapped in two, their huge trunks splintered like broken pencils. I got off my bike to have a closer look. The wood was fresh and healthy—absolutely no rot. And yet they had broken in the wind when other seemingly weaker trees had survived.

I examined the trees that had weathered the storm. To no surprise, these seemed more flexible than the old hardwoods. The giant oaks were strong, for sure, but rigid.
In life, flexibility will win out over strength—every time. A flexible person can bend and adapt to changes, new situations, challenges and problems. But a rigid person, no matter how strong, will break eventually under the strain. Just like the oak tree. The third lesson is reflected in these broken trees and the Tao…

The soft shall overcome the hard.

I make my way back to the path and my eye catches a dew-covered spider’s web glistening in the sunlight. Sitting still as stone, at the center of the web, a large black spider waits. There’s no way to know just how long the spider has been there, but I get the sense it’s been awhile.

There’s a rock nearby, so I decide to sit for a bit. After all, I’m here to learn from nature—right? Half an hour passes, and very little happens. In fact, nothing happens. The spider might be dead for all I can tell. I ignore a few strange looks from passerbys and continue to watch.

Then, finally, about ten minutes later a moth gets caught in the web. The spider springs into action and pounces on its breakfast.

What would have happened if the spider had gotten tired of waiting? What if it had started to doubt if it would ever reach its goal—and simply gave up?

I think that’s exactly what people do—far too much. We give up on our dreams just as they are about to materialize. Doubt and impatience can easily rob us of our prize, if we give into them. So I got my fourth message from a spider…

Don’t fall prey to impatience.

I’m back on my bike, peddling happily along when I enter a darker section of the trail where a grove of huge pine trees grow. The morning sunlight is blocked out by these enormous trees and my eyes are drawn upward. They are well over one hundred feet tall. I climb off my bike and walk over to the largest one and stand at is base.

I make a feeble attempt to put my arms around the trunk and I don’t even get half way around.

Glancing down at the partially exposed roots I wonder just how far down they go.

As huge as this tree is, it started out as a tiny seed, no bigger than my finger nail.

How could a tree, this big, be tucked away in such a small package?

I can hear the river rushing over the rocks nearby. Here the river is deep and full—millions of gallons of water! And yet the river, as spectacular as it is, began with as a trickle somewhere much further upstream.

In life, we can get easily discouraged by looking at the totality of a goal or a dream. Looking at the “big picture” can be overwhelming. “It’s too big.” “I’ll never be able to do it.” “It’s too hard.”

But remember, everything ever created, any goal ever achieved, started out small. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter began with a single drop of ink on the page. All of Mozart’s great works started with a solitary note.

We shouldn’t get discouraged by big dreams. Nature certainly doesn’t. We just have to remember to break our aspirations and goals into smaller, more manageable bits. Take the first step and then the next and next… One at a time. 

All big things have small beginnings. So start small.

By this time I was feeling so good, so in tune, that I didn’t want to go home. It’s easy to get lost in the moment, so close to nature. The birds singing, the gentle sway of the trees in the breeze, the bubbling river had all gently pulled me into the Now of the moment.

While in the Now, it is impossible to be anywhere else. In the Now, there are no regrets of the past or worries of the future.

Even the animals are constant reminders to stay present. The patient spider from before was certainly in the present moment.

Then, as if on cue, I saw a deer moving through the trees nearby. It walked with a quiet “presence”. At that time, I doubted very much that it is anywhere but right there—in the moment. It wasn’t worrying about where it would sleep that night or if there was food around the next tree. It was just being.

In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude for where I was and the gift of being where I was–in that time and space.
And maybe that is the greatest lesson of the morning.

The present moment is a gift—treasure it.

It was nearly noon, and I had lost all track of time, but I felt great. I rode home with a new determination to use these lessons on a more regular basis.
Lets review them one last time:

The present moment is a gift—treasure it.

All big things have small beginnings. So start small.

Don’t fall prey to impatience.

The soft shall overcome the hard.

Accept that we live in an abundant universe.

Don’t push against life’s barriers—go around them.

Why not try this for yourself? Get back into nature. Sit on your back deck and breathe in the world around you. Go for a walk. Find a quiet place, just listen and be. You never know what nature might be trying to tell you.

And leave me a comment to let me know what nature told you.

Til next week,

Troy