Tag: workplace happiness

We tend to place ourselves at the center of our own little universe in which everything revolves obediently around us. All is well until something happens to interrupt or upset our “order of things” as we believe it should be or when things don’t “go our way”. Problems arise when we encounter the inevitable truth that life isn’t all about us and that there are actually other people in the room. Who would have thunk it? All of whom (by the way) also believe that they are at the center of their own particular universes.

This “ego-centric” view comes from the part of our personality that over-identifies with our own self-interests. The ego declares us above and apart from those around us. As such, it sets up a belief system in which we feel justified to wallow in self-pity and to take everything personally-otherwise known as ‘woe-is-me’ing. 

It is this trap of the ego that endangers our happiness as we buy into the idea that what’s happening to us is real. But scientists have been telling us for years that our reality is subjective. In fact, the events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them. The measure by which reality can affect us is directly related to how much we allow things to impact us and our emotions.

Our reality has more to do with how we perceive the events of our lives as they unfold, rather than the events themselves. Anything we imagine to be causing us pain, is only just that—our imagination.

Therefore, the more we identify with these “so-called” negative events the greater the impact they will have on our emotions and over-all happiness. Once we realize that our reactions are directly proportionate to how we perceive a thing, we can better regulate the negative response.

As such, it becomes important to reframe the situation so we see things in a neutral light. In this way the negative event loses its power and hold on our emotions. In our mind, the event becomes neither a positive nor a negative—it just is. We come to understand that we cannot control the events outside ourselves, but we can accept responsibility for how we react to them.

“Now, hold on a minute!” you might say. “That is all well and good, but I can’t just decide not to get upset when something bad happens. I’m only human.”

The fact of the matter is that you can (with practice) make a choice and decide to act in a different way— in a controlled and present way, instead of reacting in a way born from negative conditioning.  With even more practice you may even learn the skill of not reacting at all!

“Reality is subjective. In fact, the events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them. The measure by which reality can affect us is directly related to how much we allow it to impact us and our emotions. Our reality has more to do with how we perceive the events of our lives as they unfold, rather than the events themselves.”

At first glance it may seem odd, even unnatural, to have anything but a negative response to a negative event. Remember, however, that we always have the capacity to choose. That ability is not only vital in maintaining happiness but it is also empowering.  Knee-jerk reactions and impulsivity turn us into victims, holding us hostage to our own reactionary emotions. The empowering approach allows us to take a moment, step back and find our center—our core of peace—you know, that “happy place”. From here we take back our power.

Let’s look at a common example to demonstrate this point.

It’s 4:15pm on Friday afternoon. It’s been a rough week. You’re tired and looking forward to the weekend. Just then, a particularly difficult client walks in demanding to see you. He seems upset and wants service immediately, he begins to swear and act out.

Most people would see the above situation as negative. After-all, it’s only fifteen minutes to closing, you may have to work over-time, the client is being difficult and abusive and your plans are threatened. But it is only a negative if you choose to see it as such—if you make it about you. If you understand that this moment is not about you, you may find yourself better equipped to handle the situation in a more efficient and fulfilling way. So instead of focusing on how this event may affect you, (which will cause irritation and anger) try switching your perspective.

“…it is only a negative if you choose to see it as such—if you make it about you. If you understand that this moment is not about you, you may find yourself better equipped to handle the situation in a more efficient and fulfilling way.”

Put aside all the expectations you might have regarding this situation.  Take a step back and simply accept that you will be working late and that the client may not even appreciate your efforts—let it all go and place your attention where it matters—the present moment.

“But, I don’t want to accept it,” you might say. “I don’t want anything to do with this moment.” Your mind may throw a little hissy-fit too as it mentally digs in. “I won’t give in. I’m right! I should be angry!”

If this is the approach you prefer, that is up to you. But know that all our greatest teachers throughout history have taught that “the present” is all we have. It is from the ‘now’ that we draw power and strength. Resistance, stress and unhappiness come from all sources outside the present moment. Feelings of anger and the need to win are not born of the present. Worrying about, and becoming angry about what has already happened or what might happen is not keeping present. You will be unable to draw any happiness by taking this approach.

Give yourself over totally to this moment. Settle into it like a warm bath, breathe it in if you must and put yourself in the client’s shoes. Try looking at what is truly happening outside whatever expectations you may have had.

A person has come to you for help. Anybody in need of help immediately becomes vulnerable. Vulnerable people tend to have more to lose and thus are afraid. When we are afraid we tend to act rashly—we may even lash out, initially.

In this light we no longer see a rude, trouble maker or someone to be “handled”. Instead we see a person who is afraid and needs help. Typically, when we encounter somebody who needs help we extend a hand, and most times we feel better for doing so. It is a natural human response.

By looking at the situation through the eyes of the client, you are better able to get past the anger and the self-pity and provide service. Because you didn’t make it about “Me”and stayed focused on the present moment you didn’t get drained or taxed by the experience. In contrast, you feel energized and enriched by the experience. In a way, you have opened up.

If this is hard to accept, you need only try this approach the next time you encounter a difficult situation at work.  You will be amazed by the result.

Remember to stay in the present moment. Don’t worry about the past, which is the fact that the client came in at 4:15pm. Don’t worry about the future that may involve you staying late. Let it all go.

Secondly, remember to look at the situation from the client’s point of view—as somebody who needs your help. Do this and you will feel energized, fulfilled and engaged—instead of going home upset and tired.

Remember, it’s never about you.

For more information about creating a happy workplace and a happier life check out my new book: My Happy Workplace at Amazon.  

The next time somebody asks you “How was your day?” wouldn’t it be amazing to say “It was great!”

A happy workplace seems unachievable to many workers with employee dissatisfaction on the rise, but it’s not only an achievable goal, but a relatively easy one—when we take a more spiritual approach to our work day.

1)   Stay in the Moment

Try to do one thing at a time, do it well and move on. Don’t burden yourself with the totality of the day. Remember that you have only one thing to do—that’s whatever you are doing in that moment. Drawing from the past (that you have all this work) or the future (I’ll never get all this work done) will only lead to unhappiness. Your power to generate happiness always comes from the present.

2)   Don’t Turn a Mole Hill Into a Mountain

Things are never as bad as they appear, but we can (by our perception) make them     seem that way all the same.

I have found that when I look at my work as a mountainous chore, it tends to become just that. I fret and worry about even where to start. I think it’s just too much. I may procrastinate and become angry that I have too much to do. I might become spiteful or jealous of my co-workers who seem to have less to do. As such, I fight and struggle with the work all day. By 4:30pm I still don’t have it done and I feel drained and unaccomplished.  But, on those days when I take a different approach and look at the pile before me with “soft eyes”, I see it in a different way. I see the work without all the weight and pressure. I reduce it down to nothing more than a small pile of paper.

3)   Mind Your own Business

Practice “seeing through” the affairs of your co-workers—see but do not react, observe but hold no opinions. By doing so you learn not to dwell on what you feel to be the negative aspects of what you see.

Try going about your day in the quiet understanding that those things happening around you have little to do with you. As Paul McCartney suggested, “Let it be.” Let the comings and goings of others pass through you. Yes, be sociable and engaged, but do not allow yourself to identify with what you see. Take no ownership, make no judgements. Then simply go back to your duties and you may find that you feel more  peaceful and relaxed.

4)   Relax

When time seems to be dictating the pace, turn the tables on the clock and step back from the rush and single out one thing to focus on and give that your full attention.

5)   Are you an Oak or a Palm?

How flexible are you at work? Can you bend and adjust with problems and unexpected events, like a palm tree. Or is your thinking rigid like an oak? Have you allowed your expectations to become hard and unyielding? Has your self-image become solid? In nature, the palm tree bends with the wind. It does not try to stand against it in a show of strength, but bows—as if in subjection. As a result it weathers the storm. Flexibility eliminates resistance that can cause unhappiness.

Workplace happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be nearly instant, if we are will to make a few small tweaks to our work day—you’ll be glad you did.

For more information about creating a happy workplace and a happier life check out my new book: My Happy Workplace at Amazon.                          

A happy workplace doesn’t just happen all by itself.  You have to work at making it happen, but it doesn’t have to be hard work. Sometimes the smallest of changes can have big results. Here are three stupid-easy things you can do before your workday even starts that can make all the difference.

1)   Take a breath

Sounds simple right? We take our breathing for granted. Our breath is the link to calmness. When you arrive at work (whether that be at a desk, a bench or a counter) allow yourself one minute of silence before starting to work. Don’t turn on your computer, or bring out your equipment. Just sit quietly and relax—for just a minute. Breathe in and breathe out. No matter how tempted, do nothing else for sixty seconds. Try it; you’ll be surprised what a minute can do to set a healthier, more “patient” tone for the day.

2)   Slow Down

Give yourself enough time to have a leisurely commute to work. Try getting up a few minutes early. This will let you slow down a bit—be less rushed. A short walk before going into work can do wonders to relax and calm you. Maybe you might even get up early enough (once and awhile) to watch the sun come up.

A leisurely drive to work can be a time to relax and experience a little peace and calm.  While driving to work, practice driving slower. Allow other cars into traffic; stop at the yellow light instead of rushing through it. Don’t tail-gate. This will help you set the tone for the day ahead. Otherwise you may arrive at work frustrated and angry and hamper your chances of maintaining a happy outlook.  

3)   Appreciate

Take a moment to really appreciate the fact that you are employed. In today’s economy unemployment rates are high. Fostering an attitude of gratitude for everything your job gives you can be highly beneficial. Marcus Aurelius said this:“Take full account of the excellences which you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”

For more information about creating a happy workplace and a happier life check out my new book: My Happy Workplace at Amazon.