personal performance coach – Page 3 – TROY P. ROACHE CONSULTING

Choose Happiness

Choices. We make them constantly. In the morning we make a choice of when to get up, to have Fruit Loops or toast, to wear the blue sweater or the green… and we don’t stop making choices until we go back to sleep that night. If you really think about it, most of our thinking takes the form of choices: A or B? This or that? Now or later? Yes or No? We’re like walking, talking choice machines.

You even made a choice to click on this article and then another one to actually read it. Not to mention all the choices you’ll be confronted with as you decide on whether or not to use the information contained herein–no pressure, though.

It’s been said that the average person makes between 600 and 1000 choices every day. And with all these choices, has it ever occurred to you that your happiness is no different? That happiness is a choice?

In fact, the choice to be happy may be the most important decision you can make. That being said, so few of us ever do. The vast majority of people believe that happiness somehow falls outside themselves; that it all has to do with external things, people and events that they can’t control. And so they go about their days at the mercy of–well–everything. This paradigm suggests that it’s not up to us if we get to be happy or not.

Ironically, all those who buy into this paradigm have made a choice that happiness is not a choice.

Don’t beat yourself up too much—we all do it. It’s second nature to us. Something happens that we don’t like and we react—usually with unhappiness. But it doesn’t have to be that way. All paradigms can be changed, including this one.

You can choose happiness right now by doing these three little things…

1) Remember that happiness is a choice.

Happiness is a choice, just as unhappiness is. Given the option, wouldn’t you rather pick happiness?

“Now, hold on a minute!” you might say. “That is all well and good, but I can’t just decide to be happy when something bad happens. I’m only human.”

The fact of the matter is that you can (with practice) make a choice and decide to act in a different way—in a controlled and present way, instead of reacting in a way born from negative conditioning. In this way you will come to understand that reality is subjective. The events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them.

2) Limit your expectations of others.

We tend to feel injured by the actions of others when we disagree with them. The more we dwell on the imagined offense, the more frustrated, stressed and unhappy we become. But, if we limit our expectations of others it becomes harder for them to upset us. Epictetus once said, “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.” In this way, external factors play less of a role in our happiness. It becomes more of an internal process. We take responsibility for our own happiness.

3) Change the way you look at things.

Wayne Dyer is fond of saying, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

Say, for example, that I have a lot of work to do. The prospect of the work may make me unhappy—but only if I allow it to. If I look at my work as a mountainous chore, it tends to become just that. I begin to fret and worry about where to even start. I might get angry that I have so much to do. I might even become spiteful or jealous of my co-workers who seem to have less to do. As such, I fight and struggle with the work all day. But, if I alter my approach and look at the work differently and reduce it down to nothing but a small pile of paper, the weight and pressure dissolves. Instead of looking at the workload in its entirety, I do one thing at a time, do it well and move on. By breaking the work down into small, more manageable pieces the task seems so much less daunting. As the Buddha said, “A jug fills drop by drop.”

Choosing happiness is possible for all of us. But, it does take practice and effort. It means you will need to develop a state of awareness to keep yourself focused on your intention to choose, instead of compulsion to react.

For more detailed information about choosing happiness please read my book, My Happy Workplace.

And by all means, if you like this or any of my other posts, please leave a comment. I would love hearing your views.

Happiness,

Troy

Passion vs. Fear: A Cautionary Tale of Superheroes & Villains

Passion is a funny thing. Go looking for it and you’ll never find it, but let it find you and it’s virtually impossible to avoid. And once you do find it, passion can fuel you to great heights, allow you to do astonishing things—things that others can’t even imagine. In this way passion is kind of like a superpower. But in the comics (as everybody knows) a great strength must have an equal or even greater weakness. So if passion is a superpower, then fear is its kryptonite.

Twenty-five years ago in early Spring I picked up a copy of The Amazing Spider-Man. I had read comics before, of course, but there was something special about this one. It moved me like no other story had. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. My mind started to race with possibilities. In that moment I realized that I wanted to tell stories—fantastic, heroic stories about extraordinary characters doing extraordinary things.

Simply put, my passion had found me.

After that my every waking thought was focused on comic books. They were the first thoughts that got me up in the morning and the last ones that carried me off to sleep at night. I thought about them in class, at church, at the dinner table—everywhere!

It wasn’t long before piles of notepads filled with my stories and ideas started to collect under my bed. I envisioned myself working for Marvel Comics pitting the forces of good against hordes of evildoers in worlds I had created. My passion grew stronger every day until it was like an invisible shield protecting my dream from anything that might jeopardize it. As it turned out that shield would come in very handy.

One day I told my cousin that I wanted to become a comic book writer. He looked at me with a strange expression and said, “Why would anybody pay you to write a comic book? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He walked away laughing.

His words stung but my passion was strong. Just like a hero’s superpower, passion had protected me and my dream, but I had suffered my very first bout of doubt—however small. At this point it had not yet become full-blown fear, but it had made a ding in that invisible shield.

Even so I was determined to make my dream come true and pushed even harder, learning everything I could about the comic book industry. Finally I found a news release from the publisher of Marvel Comics—Stan Lee, himself! It was all about how to submit a comic book script. I couldn’t believe it! It was like I had struck gold—detailed instructions on the whole submission process.

All I had to do was send in my idea and wait for the job offers to roll in! I could see myself in the Marvel bullpen: pitching stories, making deadlines, working with artists to bring my words to life. I visualized my name under the coveted words “Written by”. I imagined kids all over the country waiting to read the latest issue of Spider-Man or The Avengers by yours truly. My passion was never stronger. But, the ding my cousin had made hadn’t really gone away. It was a hidden crack, waiting to reveal itself.

Now I should mention that, at the time, I was unaware that over 99% of submissions were rejected at the point of entry by the submissions editor. But to be honest the idea that an editor would ever reject my story never occurred to me. So I happily sent off my first submission to New York. If this sounds like arrogance, it wasn’t. It was pure passion—a love for what I was doing.

Six weeks later an envelope arrived in my mailbox bearing the Marvel letterhead. Heart pounding, hands shaking, I opened it and read the words…

“Congratulations. I have reviewed your submission and I have forwarded it to the appropriate editor. Good luck.”

I couldn’t believe it! I had all but been accepted—and on my very first try. At seventeen years old, I was going to be a writer for Marvel Comics! Then I made what would become a fatal error: I told my father.

“I did it! I’m going to be a comic book writer and work in New York,” I said waving the letter in the air.

My father looked at me with doubtful eyes and shook his head. “Now don’t get your hopes up. Nobody from around here has ever been a writer.”

It wasn’t just what he had said but the look in his eyes that shook my resolve. It was a look that spoke of some hidden knowing about how dreams end up in the real world. And in that instant all my joy, all my excitement vanished. It was as if my father had popped my birthday balloon.

Now, my father wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t a cruel man nor would he have ever hurt me intentionally. In his own way, he was trying to protect me. He didn’t want to see me disappointed. But in that moment, the dent in my shield buckled under the strain of this newest blow and what had only been a doubt was now fear. And for the very first time I feared that my dream might not come true.

What if the editor didn’t like my story? What if it wasn’t good enough? Dad was right. Nobody from our little town had ever done anything like this before. What made me think I was any different?

I went from expecting an acceptance letter to dreading a rejection. My energy had totally switched. I was now focused on what I didn’t want to happen instead of being focused on what I wanted to happen.

Sure enough, that editor never did call me.

After that I sent in more and more submissions, but not with the joy and excitement I had once had. Now I sent my submissions in desperation; desperate to prove that I could do it—that I was good enough. And with each submission came a new rejection. My fear deepened. At one point I actually started to send in ideas expectingto be rejected.

In time, my passion faded—having been poisoned by fear. And slowly I just stopped submitting.

But passion is a hard thing to keep down. After a few years I tried again. Though I still got rejection letters, I started to get hand written comments and suggestions from the editors—words of encouragement and advice. They wrote things like: “Keeping sending in submissions”, “I look forward to your next idea.” “Don’t give up.” These letters went on for nearly a year. Long enough for doubt to creep back in. That doubt morphed into fear—fear that it was taking too long, that they might never accept me.

Had I not been in “fear-mode” I might have realized just how close I was to breaking into Marvel. In later years I would learn that I was just a submission or two away from an offer.It still hurts to think about it.But fear makes you run away from things. Passion allows you to run to them.

So I decided if they didn’t want me I’d start my own company, write my own characters and worlds.

By now I was married and had a new baby. My wife and I worked on the company together. My day job wasn’t bringing in enough and the company was draining away our savings. To say fear was back would be an understatement.

I was excited that I was finally pursuing my passion, but I didn’t know then that passion can’t be pursued. It can’t be forced or compelled. But we pushed on.

Finally the first book was done. We paid a small fortune for printing and advertising space with Andromeda Distributors, the largest comic book distributor in North America. I drove from comic shop to comic shop promoting the release. I made appearances on local television and radio.

Then there was nothing left to do but wait for the first orders to come in.We figured if we could just sell 500 copies, we could pay the expenses and the upcoming rent. Who couldn’t sell 500 books in all of Canada and the US?

A week later the order arrived from Andromeda. My wife waited with growing anticipation for me to open the envelope. I ran my finger down the orders to the bottom total. I saw, but didn’t quite understand, the number 7. I blinked, trying to process what it actually meant. My wife was smiling with anticipation, “How many?” she asked.

At first I couldn’t speak. I suppressed the tears pooling in my eyes. “Seven,” I heard myself say.

“Seven thousand?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t think so,” I said.

She reached for the paper. “Maybe it’s counted in hundreds?”

I let her take the order form and I slumped down on the floor. I stared at the 5000 copies of book one and two we had pre-printed, wondering how I was going to pay rent that month. And for the very first time in my life, I hated comic books.

With no money to continue and no way to sell the books we had, I watched my dream wither and die before me.

About a month later Andromeda sent us information on the big comic book convention in Toronto. Over 500,000 people were promised to attend. It cost $600 to sign up as a vender, not counting travel and accommodations. To be honest, the thought of packing $10,000 worth of comics in my car and driving to Toronto was terrifying. I had never driven more than a hundred kilometers away from home before, let alone a city as large as Toronto. I wasn’t even sure my old car could make the 4000km round trip.

But we decided to try it. So we sent off the fee and on a chilly October afternoon I set out alone for Toronto. I pulled away waving to my wife and baby with high hopes. To this day I only remember being more afraid one other time—and that was to come about 12 hours later.

I drove through the night. With only $80 in my pocket I couldn’t afford a hotel. It was about 2:30am. I had been driving for hours. Then I struck a piece a metal on the road, just outside Quebec City. I pulled off the highway and got out to see that I had two flat tires. It’s hard to describe how I felt in that moment. Terrified doesn’t quite do it justice.

With no phone and the little cash I had in my pocket I started walking. To where, I had no idea. Exhausted and cold, I came upon a convenience store about an hour later. After a long night and having to spend most of my money I was back on the road just before dawn.

I had a lot of time to think as I drove along the St. Lawrence. I felt alone and lost. I had no idea what was waiting for me in Toronto but I was way past imagining anything good. Where was the kid who loved superheroes and comic books? The kid who thought nothing could ever get in the way of finding his dream? I looked in the mirror and couldn’t see him.

I arrived at the convention later the next day. I’d like to say that this is the part of the story where everything changed. When the redemption moment happened and the hero digs deep and finds his passion once more and becomes the bestselling comic book author he had always dreamed of.

But as the title suggests, this is a cautionary tale of what fear can do to our dreams, how it can crush passion—if you let it.

By the time I got to the convention center my energy was so poor that I didn’t even appreciate where I was. All my life I had dreamed of being at a convention just like the one I was at. Some of the biggest comic book writers and artists were just a few tables down from me. And yet, I didn’t even introduce myself. I never left my table. I worked hard to encourage people to notice my book, but few did. I spent most of the convention watching the crowd pass by my table. When the weekend was over I had sold nothing—not one book. I packed up and I drove home feeling more crushed than ever.

The next week after that I went to the bank to close my business account for good. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done. It was like admitting for once and for all that my dream of becoming a comic book writer was finally over.

Though those times were rough, the years have dulled the pain and I am able to look back at them with a new sense of appreciation. The lessons I learned were invaluable.

Today my passion for writing has changed and evolved because of those hard times. I’ve learned (once more) to write for the joy of it and for myself. As I write this I am just finishing my first novel. It is an accomplishment I would have never been able to do without the above events. They are a part of who I am; they shaped my outlook and my understanding of passion and how to protect it.

That being said I think, just maybe, if I could open up one of my old comic books and pull a time machine from its pages I’d take a trip back to 1987 to visit a boy still full of passion and hope. He’d probably have a comic in his hand and a smile on his face.

I’d whisper these words of advice to that boy…

1) Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t.

2) Fear only exists by your own creation.

3) Take a minute, slow down to appreciate and enjoy.

4) Never worry about what other people might think about your dream.

5) Remember that it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

6) Never tell anyone about your dream until you make it happen.

Four Reasons Why Personal Development is So Difficult

Those who know me are aware that I am immensely interested in personal development—especially on a spiritual level. I love to read, study, talk and write about all things regarding this subject. I get an enormous level of satisfaction from it. But to be honest, those who know me best know that I don’t always walk my talk. And in my defense I’d like to say: “This stuff isn’t easy!”

Sometimes even making the smallest of changes can seem like climbing an icy mountain slope. I make some headway only to fall back again. It kind of goes like this: I go to an exciting new workshop, or read a book or watch a great video. I get inspired and pumped up. Eager to try out the new strategies, I head out into the day. It works for a while, but then the energy around it seems to fade and I fail miserably as old habits, old patterns and old thinking kick in. Intellectually I know that the information is sound but practically…?

So why is this stuff so hard? And it doesn’t have to be just about spiritual goals. Any life-changing goal can be tough to accomplish. Maybe you want to lose a few pounds, run a marathon, or write a book. We all have dreams—changes we want to make in our lives but so many of us don’t follow through. Why?

Here are four of the less obvious things that can get in the way of spiritual development or any major change you might be working towards.

1) Over Intellectualizing the Process

“Image courtesy of Victor Habbick / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

When we set out to achieve any goal or to make any change, we tend to collect as much data about the subject as we can. We read up on it, cross reference, do histories, tests, the list goes on.

And maybe that’s the first thing that makes personal development so hard. We collect so much information that we displace our energy. Let me explain:

To gather information about anything we have to go outside ourselves. That’s fine, to a point. Over intellectualizing makes the process external instead of internal (spiritual), as we pull from outside sources to rationalize the problem.

Major changes must contain an element of spirituality for them to work. And spirituality has very little to do with information, strategies or techniques (which are all outside sources). For this reason, I’ve come to realize that treating any growth as an intellectual exercise is counterproductive. Self-improvement goals and especially spirituality are (by nature) very esoteric. They can’t be explained or planned—definitely not in a strategic way. They do not function in a “Step A, B and C Format”. So get the information, use it and move on. Don’t get suck in “data-mode”.

2) Not Making a Commitment

“Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

If you aren’t willing to make a commitment nothing is going to happen. A commitment has real power—magic if you will. It’s more than a decision, or a vague wish. It occurs at the soul—at your very core.

Commit not only to making the change but rather to “becoming” that change and allowing it to embody who you are in all situations. Until then your growth will crawl at a snail’s pace.

Commitment is the gas in the motor. Without it we can’t power our goals and dreams. Without the power of commitment, the detrimental power of our preexisting habits, beliefs and thinking will literally overwhelm the change we’re trying to do before it can germinate. Believe me, I know.

Goethe once wrote:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

3) Failing to Stay Present and Aware

As I’ve written before, awareness is kind of like finding your spot on a GPS screen. It not only tells you where you are, but more importantly, where you are in relation to everything else.

For me, awareness means two things: “Seeing” and “Understanding”.

The first part: seeing, is pretty simple. It’s more of an inventory exercise than anything else. Figure out where you are and where you are going.

The second part: understanding, grows and evolves out of seeing. Not only do you know where you are, but now you have an understanding of “why” you are there. And (perhaps) why you want to get from where you are to where you’re going.

(For more on Awareness click here and here.)

4) Lack of Focus

Give your full attention to your dream or goal. Focus on the goal to the exclusion of all else. Think, read, and talk about it—become it. Make it a part of you and it will become a part of who you are. Then it transforms from an idea a wish to a reality.

I’d like to say that it’s that easy: Just don’t over-think things, commit, keep present and aware and stay focused and presto-chango you’re a new person. But we all know saying is easier than doing. Understand that this “soul-work” is hard. It takes real effort. Change is never easy. You have to want it—really want it.Think of it this way: everything you currently are night now—the person you are—is the product of all your past actions, beliefs, daily routines and habits. And you have spent a life-time developing those things. That was hard work. It will take even more hard work, focus and effort to create new routines, beliefs and habits that will, in turn, create the person you wish to become and achieve the things you desire.

Yes, personal development is hard, but it may be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.

Kick-Start Your Dreams…Today!

We all have dreams—things we want to do, things we want to have. They might be big, loud, amazing things that will turn the world upside-down or they might be whisper-quiet, reserved only for you and you alone—but no less amazing.

So if we all dream, why do so few of us actually ever see our dreams come true?

It is all about luck? Are some of us more talented or smarter? Maybe it’s about education? Maybe God loves some of us more than others? I don’t think so. Dream achievers are no luckier, loved or learned than the rest of us. If you were to study all the dreamers who had ever made a dream come true, you would see that they all did it the same way—they started.

Just Start

Yep. If you want to do something, just do it—start it. I know that sounds cliché if not incredibly impractical. “How am I supposed to just start?” you ask. Well, you take an action—any action; something that breaks you out of your regular routine and moves you toward the dream. The Tao says to simply take the first step. Read a book about it, research it, write it down–anything!

That first step is so very important because it represents the primary domino in you reaching your dream. Even if, at this point, you may not even have a plan.

High achievers don’t concern themselves with all the weight of how to do something. They just do it. They don’t say things like: “I’ll start tomorrow.”, or “I don’t have enough money.” or “What if it doesn’t work?” or “Nobody has ever done it before.” They just do

You don’t have to know how you are going to do something, you just have to start. The how’s will reveal themselves along the way.

Rumi once wrote: “As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

If you never take action (that first step) you will never get started and your dream will stay a dream.

Non-starting is biggest of dream-killers. You have to take the first step. Be prepared to make some mistakes. Learn. Pick yourself up and move on. Start again if you have to. But start!

In the Moment, Aware and Mindful

If you follow my blog or have read my book, “My Happy Workplace” you know that most of my writing invites you to accept responsibility for your own happiness. And nothing does this better than being mindful. But to enter a state of mindfulness we have to first be present and aware.

The art of being “present” allows us a high level of focus. This focus anchors us to wherever we are and to whatever we are doing in any given moment. It also protects us from the worry of the future or the regret of the past. From this present-moment perceptive we are better positioned to ward off all that stuff we don’t want that can trigger unhappiness. So, in a way, the Present puts us in the right place to be able to solve the problem.

Once in the present moment we are more likely to move into a state of “awareness”. Now, awareness provides us the opportunity to actually look at the problem. This same problem may have remained hidden (but no less harmful) for a very long time had we not entered this heightened state of consciousness. Hidden problems can play out in the background of our subconscious minds and do serious harm to our emotional well-being.

So the Present Moment puts us in the right place and Awareness puts us on the lookout. When these two conditions are combined we enter an even higher state that I call “presently aware.” But this still isn’t enough. Just because we are in the right place and have spotted the problem does not mean we can fix it.

To fix a problem we must understand it—fully. To understand it fully, we must see it for what it truly is. This is mindfulness. Mindfulness is kind of like looking behind the magician’s curtain and seeing that it was all an illusion. When we see things for what they truly are (with the eyes of mindfulness) they lose any power to harm us. In fact, we see right through them and come to the understanding that these things are not real at all. Mindfulness allows us to understand (or better to know) that no problem exists outside our own minds and imaginations. So in the end there is nothing to fix, because the problem never existed in the first place.

We tend to create self-contained stories (I like to call them “reality bubbles”) of why things are happening the way they are. We place judgements and expectations and weave amazing fictions. None of which, by the way, are usually true. We indulge these stories until we get sucked into a well of self-pity, anger or misery. Within these reality bubblesour worst fears are imagined to have occurred or destined to occur.

Mindfulness is the pin that pops the bubble. It reminds us that reality is subjective. The events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them. The measure by which reality can affect us is directly related to how much we buy into the illusion. Our reality has far more to do with how we perceive the events of our lives, rather than the events themselves.

Try looking at the so-called problems in your life–really look at them. Look at them from a place free of regret or worry. And by looking you may see that the problems you believed were real are nothing more than nasty by-products of your imagination—each one easily and quickly dismissed as an unwanted thought.

The Bad Day Prescription

Bad days—we all have them from time to time, when nothing seems to go right and everything appears to be against us. For me, these days are generally made up of one crappy thing that leads into the next until I find myself in a tailspin and holding on for dear life until closing time.

The next time a bad day threatens your happiness at work (or anywhere else) follow this prescription and knock it out before it can take hold.

A) Stay Present

No matter what happens, stay in the moment. That means not worrying about what kind of day you would have had if this thing (whatever it is) wasn’t happening. That’s the past. It also means not worrying what might happen next. That’s the future. Consider this: From where you sit in this moment, you cannot reach out and touch the past or the future. Neither the past nor the future exists from our present moment perspective. Yet we tend to live in one or the other most of the time. The present is all we have. And it is from the present moment that we draw our power. It is where our happiness resides.

“Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

B) Make Another Choice

Step back from the situation and use all that “present-moment energy” to choose how you wish to handle this event instead of simply reacting. But this isn’t simply any choice. This choice is one that declares nothing is more important than your happiness. Understand that you may not be able to control everything that happens in your life, but you can control how you respond to events. You can make the choice not to give an event any happiness-robbing energy. We give negative events energy in four ways:

1) Talking and complaining about them.

2) Regretting them.

3) Blaming ourselves for them.

4) Worrying if they will happen again.

All of the above are choices that pull those undesirable events from the past, where they belong, back into the present. Once there, they once again have the power to steal your happiness.

C) Slow Down

Take a breath. Step back from the situation for a moment to give yourself the chance to see it for what it “was” –something that has already happened. It’s already in the past. All you have to do is leave it there. If you slow down, you may be surprised to see just how much power a moment has.

“Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

The next time something threatens your happiness remember these three little things: 1) Stay Present. 2) Make Another Choice. 3) Slow Down.

If you like this post, I’d love to hear from you. Please like it on Facebook or leave a comment. My other posts on this subject can be found at www.troyproache.com. My Happy Workplace (the book) is available at Amazon on Kindle and in paperback.

Thanks for visiting

Troy

Awareness: One Path to Happiness

Each morning hoards of disgruntled or depressed workers trudge out into traffic dreading the workday ahead. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, a happier workplace may be closer than you think. And a great first step to achieving a happier existence is to practice awareness.

Awareness is kind of like finding your spot on a GPS screen. It not only tells you where you are, but more importantly, where you are in relation to everything else.

For me, awareness means two things: “Seeing” and “Understanding”.

The first part: seeing, is pretty simple. It’s more of an inventory exercise than anything else. When I first started this process, I discreetly wrote down everything that bothered me in a small “happiness journal” I carried with me. It didn’t take long to fill, either. This step was important because it helped me to be more conscious of those things that threatened my happiness. That way when they occurred in the future I could get one step ahead of the emotion.

The second part: understanding, grows and evolves out of seeing. To help me understand I had to explore all the things that I wrote down in my journal—things that bothered me about my job, my co-workers, friends and family. Now the trick was to strip away any emotional baggage from the process. I worked hard to place no labels or judgements on these so-called problems.

Just by seeing these things in this way, I gained a greater understanding about them and from that understanding grew a greater sense of awareness. That awareness allowed to see my unhappiness in a new light.

I realized that my unhappiness did not originate from any of these outside sources. The sensation of unhappiness was created at my end as I noticed a “so-called negative event” and made a judgement about it. A philosopher who lived in ancient Greece by the name of Epictetus once wrote: “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.” Think about that quote for a minute. We may create our unhappiness, but we are in charge of our happiness too! This gives us all the power. When was the last time you went to work filling empowered? Tomorrow morning try to take on a new sense of awareness about the things that have traditionally bothered you. Maybe start your own happiness journal. Ask yourself: Is my unhappiness really caused by others? Or is it more about how I relate to the people and events around me. And remember, you can control that relationship with practice and determination.

The Sixty-Second Relaxation Technique

Try this quick and easy technique to kick-off your workday right.

This morning when you get into work don’t turn on your computer, check your voice mail or bring out your equipment. Simply sit in your chair for a full minute and do the following three little things…

RELAX

Close your eyes and take in a deep breath.

For the next minute, breathe in and out slowly. Don’t worry about the coming day or that you should be diving right into your work—let all that go.

Continue breathing in and out, slowly.

APPRECIATE

Call up a feeling of deep appreciation for the coming day. Be grateful that you are employed and what you job provides to you and your family.

Continue breathing in and out, slowly.

SET A POSTIVE INTENTION

Set a positive intention for the day. Think a silent affirmation like: “Today is going to be a great day!” Or “Today, the office will be calm and relaxed.’ Or “I will be able to handle all my work in a relaxed and calm way.”

Do these three little things before starting work and you will be amazed by how powerful a minute can be.

To learn more pick up my book @ “My Happy Workplace” on Amazon.

The First Key to Workplace Happiness: It’s Not About You

We tend to place ourselves at the center of our own little universe in which everything revolves obediently around us. All is well until something happens to interrupt or upset our “order of things” as we believe it should be or when things don’t “go our way”. Problems arise when we encounter the inevitable truth that life isn’t all about us and that there are actually other people in the room. Who would have thunk it? All of whom (by the way) also believe that they are at the center of their own particular universes.

This “ego-centric” view comes from the part of our personality that over-identifies with our own self-interests. The ego declares us above and apart from those around us. As such, it sets up a belief system in which we feel justified to wallow in self-pity and to take everything personally-otherwise known as ‘woe-is-me’ing.

It is this trap of the ego that endangers our happiness as we buy into the idea that what’s happening to us is real. But scientists have been telling us for years that our reality is subjective. In fact, the events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them. The measure by which reality can affect us is directly related to how much we allow things to impact us and our emotions.

Our reality has more to do with how we perceive the events of our lives as they unfold, rather than the events themselves. Anything we imagine to be causing us pain, is only just that—our imagination.

Therefore, the more we identify with these “so-called” negative events the greater the impact they will have on our emotions and over-all happiness. Once we realize that our reactions are directly proportionate to how we perceive a thing, we can better regulate the negative response.

As such, it becomes important to reframe the situation so we see things in a neutral light. In this way the negative event loses its power and hold on our emotions. In our mind, the event becomes neither a positive nor a negative—it just is. We come to understand that we cannot control the events outside ourselves, but we can accept responsibility for how we react to them.

“Now, hold on a minute!” you might say. “That is all well and good, but I can’t just decide not to get upset when something bad happens. I’m only human.”

The fact of the matter is that you can (with practice) make a choice and decide to act in a different way— in a controlled and present way, instead of reacting in a way born from negative conditioning. With even more practice you may even learn the skill of not reacting at all!

“Reality is subjective. In fact, the events of our lives are only as real to the extent that we identify with them. The measure by which reality can affect us is directly related to how much we allow it to impact us and our emotions. Our reality has more to do with how we perceive the events of our lives as they unfold, rather than the events themselves.”

At first glance it may seem odd, even unnatural, to have anything but a negative response to a negative event. Remember, however, that we always have the capacity to choose. That ability is not only vital in maintaining happiness but it is also empowering. Knee-jerk reactions and impulsivity turn us into victims, holding us hostage to our own reactionary emotions. The empowering approach allows us to take a moment, step back and find our center—our core of peace—you know, that “happy place”. From here we take back our power.

Let’s look at a common example to demonstrate this point.

It’s 4:15pm on Friday afternoon. It’s been a rough week. You’re tired and looking forward to the weekend. Just then, a particularly difficult client walks in demanding to see you. He seems upset and wants service immediately, he begins to swear and act out.

Most people would see the above situation as negative. After-all, it’s only fifteen minutes to closing, you may have to work over-time, the client is being difficult and abusive and your plans are threatened. But it is only a negative if you choose to see it as such—if you make it about you. If you understand that this moment is not about you, you may find yourself better equipped to handle the situation in a more efficient and fulfilling way. So instead of focusing on how this event may affect you, (which will cause irritation and anger) try switching your perspective.

“…it is only a negative if you choose to see it as such—if you make it about you. If you understand that this moment is not about you, you may find yourself better equipped to handle the situation in a more efficient and fulfilling way.”

Put aside all the expectations you might have regarding this situation. Take a step back and simply accept that you will be working late and that the client may not even appreciate your efforts—let it all go and place your attention where it matters—the present moment.

“But, I don’t want to accept it,” you might say. “I don’t want anything to do with this moment.” Your mind may throw a little hissy-fit too as it mentally digs in. “I won’t give in. I’m right! I should be angry!”

If this is the approach you prefer, that is up to you. But know that all our greatest teachers throughout history have taught that “the present” is all we have. It is from the ‘now’ that we draw power and strength. Resistance, stress and unhappiness come from all sources outside the present moment. Feelings of anger and the need to win are not born of the present. Worrying about, and becoming angry about what has already happened or what might happen is not keeping present. You will be unable to draw any happiness by taking this approach.

Give yourself over totally to this moment. Settle into it like a warm bath, breathe it in if you must and put yourself in the client’s shoes. Try looking at what is truly happening outside whatever expectations you may have had.

A person has come to you for help. Anybody in need of help immediately becomes vulnerable. Vulnerable people tend to have more to lose and thus are afraid. When we are afraid we tend to act rashly—we may even lash out, initially.

In this light we no longer see a rude, trouble maker or someone to be “handled”. Instead we see a person who is afraid and needs help. Typically, when we encounter somebody who needs help we extend a hand, and most times we feel better for doing so. It is a natural human response.

By looking at the situation through the eyes of the client, you are better able to get past the anger and the self-pity and provide service. Because you didn’t make it about “Me”and stayed focused on the present moment you didn’t get drained or taxed by the experience. In contrast, you feel energized and enriched by the experience. In a way, you have opened up.

If this is hard to accept, you need only try this approach the next time you encounter a difficult situation at work. You will be amazed by the result.

Remember to stay in the present moment. Don’t worry about the past, which is the fact that the client came in at 4:15pm. Don’t worry about the future that may involve you staying late. Let it all go.

Secondly, remember to look at the situation from the client’s point of view—as somebody who needs your help. Do this and you will feel energized, fulfilled and engaged—instead of going home upset and tired.

Remember, it’s never about you.

For more information about creating a happy workplace and a happier life check out my new book: My Happy Workplace at Amazon.

Five Quick Tips to Have a Great Day at Work—Today.

The next time somebody asks you “How was your day?” wouldn’t it be amazing to say “It was great!”

A happy workplace seems unachievable to many workers with employee dissatisfaction on the rise, but it’s not only an achievable goal, but a relatively easy one—when we take a more spiritual approach to our work day.

1) Stay in the Moment

Try to do one thing at a time, do it well and move on. Don’t burden yourself with the totality of the day. Remember that you have only one thing to do—that’s whatever you are doing in that moment. Drawing from the past (that you have all this work) or the future (I’ll never get all this work done) will only lead to unhappiness. Your power to generate happiness always comes from the present.

2) Don’t Turn a Mole Hill Into a Mountain

Things are never as bad as they appear, but we can (by our perception) make them seem that way all the same.

I have found that when I look at my work as a mountainous chore, it tends to become just that. I fret and worry about even where to start. I think it’s just too much. I may procrastinate and become angry that I have too much to do. I might become spiteful or jealous of my co-workers who seem to have less to do. As such, I fight and struggle with the work all day. By 4:30pm I still don’t have it done and I feel drained and unaccomplished. But, on those days when I take a different approach and look at the pile before me with “soft eyes”, I see it in a different way. I see the work without all the weight and pressure. I reduce it down to nothing more than a small pile of paper.

3) Mind Your own Business

Practice “seeing through” the affairs of your co-workers—see but do not react, observe but hold no opinions. By doing so you learn not to dwell on what you feel to be the negative aspects of what you see.

Try going about your day in the quiet understanding that those things happening around you have little to do with you. As Paul McCartney suggested, “Let it be.” Let the comings and goings of others pass through you. Yes, be sociable and engaged, but do not allow yourself to identify with what you see. Take no ownership, make no judgements. Then simply go back to your duties and you may find that you feel more peaceful and relaxed.

4) Relax

When time seems to be dictating the pace, turn the tables on the clock and step back from the rush and single out one thing to focus on and give that your full attention.

5) Are you an Oak or a Palm?

How flexible are you at work? Can you bend and adjust with problems and unexpected events, like a palm tree. Or is your thinking rigid like an oak? Have you allowed your expectations to become hard and unyielding? Has your self-image become solid? In nature, the palm tree bends with the wind. It does not try to stand against it in a show of strength, but bows—as if in subjection. As a result it weathers the storm. Flexibility eliminates resistance that can cause unhappiness.

Workplace happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be nearly instant, if we are will to make a few small tweaks to our work day—you’ll be glad you did.

For more information about creating a happy workplace and a happier life check out my new book: My Happy Workplace at Amazon.